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SINGAPORE: “Draw a tree!” Keith repeatedly exclaims to his two friends, Toh Ee Ming and Zhang Ludi.
They are sitting cross-legged in front of a lush bush, doing their best to draw their surroundings. When a rooster strutting in front of them crows, Keith sticks his head out and responds with his best imitation. Everyone is laughing out loud, including Keith, who lets out a modest laugh.
The first time the trio visited Labrador Park and the Keppel Bay area in January of this year, they ended up lost and exhausted. Ee Ming and Ludi recall trying to calm an agitated Keith, who is minimally verbal, from jumping up and down at the taxi rank outside the VivoCity mall. Nearby people watched him, while they waited uneasily for his vehicle to arrive.
But it’s all part of being friends with someone with autism. And the rewards, the two women promise, outweigh any hiccups along the way.
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Ee Ming and Ludi are volunteers for the Rainbow Center’s Good Life Befrienders program, a two-year initiative that pairs volunteers with school students ages 15-18, who have special needs such as autism. The goal is for these children to become more used to spending time outside of their family and the classroom as they approach adulthood.
“Our young adults with disabilities struggle with limited opportunities to expand their social circles and be included in society,” said Rainbow Center Executive Director Tan Sze Wee.
There are currently 83 volunteers and the organization is looking to recruit 30 more in the first quarter of next year. Rainbow Center is also expanding the program to clients under its Connected Communities Services, a life coaching service for people with disabilities ages 18 to 35, said Cynthia Lee, Rainbow Center’s manager of family life services and senior social worker.
Studies have shown that autism can be a particularly lonely disability. Dr Eunice Tan, director of the special education program at the SR Nathan School of Human Development at Singapore University of Social Sciences, said that it is difficult for many people with autism to form friendships due to their lack of social skills and disability to read body signals. .
The traits they exhibit can also appear alienating. A 2018 study by two researchers from the University of Virginia and the University of California at Santa Cruz found that four typical autistic behaviors (low levels of eye contact, infrequent pointing, repetitive body movements, and echoing previously heard statements) are interpreted as a lack of social interest, despite the fact that many autistic people are interested in social connections.
Ludi admits that it was difficult for her to connect with Keith when she first met him in January 2019. She and Ee Ming were facilitators at a five-month residency and art festival called ‘Peekaboo!’, Organized by the non-profit arts group. Superhero Me that was associated with Rainbow Center.
Keith and Ms. Toh met at an artist residency program run by Superhero Me, a non-profit organization. Keith was a student at Rainbow Center, the school that partnered with Superhero Me for the program, and Ms. Toh was an arts facilitator. (Photo courtesy of Toh Ee Ming)
They were assigned to work alongside Keith on the show’s theatrical project called ‘What Dreams May Come,’ which would be presented in March. Ee Ming, 28, was also a resident journalist for the festival and produced stories about how Rainbow Center served children with disabilities.
They were assigned the task of doing drama exercises in that initial meeting. Ludi was confused why Keith wasn’t mirroring her movements, as instructed. Instead, he was jumping up and down and staring into space, seemingly anxious.
“It was a bit overwhelming for me because I just didn’t know how (to interact with him),” said the cheerful 20-year-old medical student. When she tried to call out to Keith repeatedly, waving her hands vigorously to her face, he ran and hid behind a pillar, she said.
“I didn’t realize the scarves were there for a purpose,” he laughed, referring to Keith’s earmuffs that help him deal with sensory overload. He wears them when he goes out.
But she was not intimidated by the awkward encounter. They had lunches with Keith and his classmates every time they were at the Rainbow Center, to feel comfortable in each other’s presence. They learned to be satisfied with just receiving a glance from the “gentle giant”, in Ee Ming’s words, as a form of recognition. When he showed Ludi a smile one day, it was a “woo!” moment.
Keith and Ms Ludi posing for a photo inside a plant store they discovered in Katong during their day in the neighborhood in November 2019 (Photo: Toh Ee Ming).
During his residency, Ee Ming learned about the befrienders program. He managed to convince Ludi, who had just started college and was hesitant, seeing it as a way to develop the budding friendship they had with Keith and to be a pillar of support in his life after graduation. He will turn 18 on December 27.
“So I was 19 years old and I was thinking, ‘What am I going to do for the rest of my life?’” Ludi said. “Isn’t that what you are also facing? (The question of) after I graduate from school, what am I going to do?”
Ee Ming, a freelance journalist, had witnessed how people with disabilities face limited job options and some degree of social isolation through their work.
“They leave the safety net of a special education school and move into the outside world. Without proper community support or services, many can end up languishing at home, ”he said. “As friends, we offer some support and act as a bridge to the larger community.”
During a reunion in early December, the trio decided to meet at Keith’s house to make Christmas cards instead of the usual outing. (Photo: Toh Ee Ming)
The program matches volunteers with students based on common interests, location, and gender (two male friends will not be matched with one student) and allows the group to decide how they would like to spend time together.
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In the case of Ludi and Ee Ming, they requested to be paired with Keith and, given their introverted personalities, they prefer “more relaxed” activities away from crowded malls. The group meets approximately once a month.
Most of the time, they go out for a walk, which is free, calm, and adapts to Keith’s sporty and adventurous nature, Ee Ming said. During each excursion, there are pit stops for snacks, drawing time, and selfies.
Their favorite outing took place this past November where they explored the Katong neighborhood and stumbled upon hidden gems like an old school ice cream vendor on the corner of Joo Chiat Place, climbed up the vertical Wallholla playground and taught Keith how to take polaroid. photos on your phone. “It was full of unforeseen surprises,” Ee Ming said.
Ms. Zhang and Keith posing atop a vertical playground in Katong. (Photo: Toh Ee Ming)
Dating Keith requires more planning than regular meetings. Ee Ming, who had observed that the Rainbow Center teachers used visual aids in their classes, would design and print colorful itineraries to prepare Keith and his parents for each outing.
“If we get lost and we don’t know what the plan is, and we just stay there and Google in place for fifteen minutes, I imagine that would make him very anxious seeing us so anxious,” added Ludi. Fortunately, there have been no other close collapses except for the incident at VivoCity earlier this year.
The morning of the second trip to Labrador Park, Keith’s mom, Mdm Phoebe Tan, 45, texted Ee Ming: “I was already awake and excited this morning.”
“He likes to make friends … but sometimes it’s difficult, because people don’t understand what he wants, what he wants to say,” he said. “So it’s good that there is something like this, understanding people, who know how to approach him.”
Keith snapping a photo of a mural in Katong during the trio’s trip to the neighborhood in November 2019, which Ms. Toh described as her favorite outing so far. (Photo: Toh Ee Ming)
Let’s say you want to mix. Who should we turn to? I can’t just ask any stranger, ‘Hey, do you want to be friends with my boy?’ (So) it’s a good platform, ”added Keith’s father, Lee Leng Woon, 48.
Keith’s sister Jess, who is two years younger, said that she notices her brother making happy noises and smiling the entire time after he comes home from these meetings.
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“We could all benefit from having advocates in life who appreciate, respect and understand us… so why not people with disabilities too? These friendships foster a greater understanding of people with disabilities and “is a step towards a more inclusive Singapore,” he believes.
To cynics, however, volunteer initiatives like these might seem like a selfish and pleasant affair. Ludi acknowledges that they have to be kept in check – “if we are glorifying ourselves” – when they share their experience with others. But the friendship they have with Keith is genuine, they said.
“If you see it as ‘I’m going to help you’ and approach it from a top-down position, of course it will seem artificial,” Ee Ming said. “But (for us) we don’t see it as a help, we are just spending time with you, as we would with anyone else.”
An example of an itinerary that Ms. Toh designs prior to her departure.
Befriending Keith is also a learning lesson in communication, he said.
“We always use words to express ourselves. But communication can happen in many ways without verbal words: being an observer, body language, writing things, drawing, pictures, ”he said. Sometimes all the other person needs is to know that you are by their side.
Spending time with Keith has also brought with it the unexpected pleasure of slowing down and enjoying this childish simplicity and fun.
“The world is so busy, right? We have these moments of peace and quiet, this human connection, which is what we all need, ”said Ee Ming.
“We can do so many things that we normally can’t do,” added Ludi.
“I wouldn’t be climbing a playground,” Ee Ming chimed in.
Keith taking his time for the two of them is also something to be thankful for, they said.
“I always wonder what’s going on in Keith’s mind,” Ee Ming said. “He might wonder why these two weird girls are pulling me out of the closet, always taking selfies with me.” However, he cheerfully follows all the plans they make.
“If there is something I want to say to Keith … I think trust is not an easy thing to come by, so thank you for your trust,” Ludi said. “Thank you for letting me be your friend.”
