[ad_1]
SINGAPORE: Ms. Hamimah Tuyan recalls the first time she saw in person the man who shot and killed her husband in the mass shooting at two New Zealand mosques in March last year.
White supremacist Brenton Tarrant, 29, killed 51 Muslim worshipers and injured dozens more after he broke out in Christchurch mosques during Friday prayers.
Ms. Hamimah’s husband, Mr. Zekeriya Tuyan, was the 51st fatality. Tuyan, a Turkish citizen and permanent resident of Singapore, died 48 days after the attack and 18 surgeries at the hospital.
For three days in late August, Tarrant stood in a small Christchurch courtroom as more than 90 of those mourned or injured in the attacks read victims’ impact statements.
Tarrant had previously admitted 51 counts of murder, 40 counts of attempted murder, and one count of committing a terrorist act.
A member of the Muslim community stands in front of the Al Noor Mosque, two days before the first anniversary of the Christchurch mosque shootings on March 13, 2020 (Photo: AFP / Sanka Vidanagama).
Hamimah said she did not know when she would be called to read her statement until the second half of Aug. 26, the third and final day. When her turn finally came, she recalled having an “out-of-body experience.”
“As soon as I walked through the glass door (into the main courtroom), I felt like it wasn’t me,” he told CNA in a video call on Tuesday (September 8).
“All I had planned to do, which was not look at him, just look at the judge, not honor him with my eye contact, or whatever, all those plans just disappeared.
“As soon as I put the paper on the podium, I found myself looking at him and even smiling at him. I can’t believe that, but it was more like a, ‘Oh, look what you’ve got yourself made of.’
“After three days of watching the brothers and sisters read their impact statements before me, and how they bravely confronted the terrorist, it inspired and gave me strength to also confront the terrorist and speak directly to him.
READ: The husband of a Singaporean woman in intensive care after being shot in the Christchurch mosque attacks
Hamimah, 40, said in his statement that it would be a “grave injustice” if the terrorist were given a second chance to go free.
“I see the longing in my children’s eyes when they see other children holding hands, tumbling on the grass, reading books, building Legos with their parents,” Ms Hamimah, who has two children, said then.
“How do I, your mother, comfort your aching hearts?”
LEARNING THE STRENGTH OF HER HUSBAND
Ms. Hamimah said Tuesday that she found her husband’s strength by reading his statement, stating that “he would have done the same for me if the situation was reversed.”
When the attacks occurred, Ms. Hamimah and her children were based in Singapore, while her husband worked in New Zealand.
“Being the brave he was, he would have wanted me to do this. And this is my way of honoring him, of being his voice. Because, as I mentioned (in my speech), he is not here to speak for himself.” added.
“But also the voice of my two children, they are too young to speak for themselves.”
Ms. Hamimah finished her statement without the need for reading glasses, as she usually does, something that still amazes her now. She also described feeling mixed emotions for Tarrant.
READ: ‘Your hate is unnecessary’: Survivors of the New Zealand mosque shooting defiantly face a gunman
“My approach was different, I didn’t want to think too much about that guy,” he said.
“I’ve been protected for so long, I haven’t had the need to think about him too much because he was busy with the kids, and you know, go back to Singapore and go about my life and my work, basically on autopilot.
READ: New Zealand mosque victim’s daughter tells gunman: Consider the ‘beauty of diversity’ while in prison
“But right at the end of the isolation (in New Zealand before going to court), I actually said I felt sorry for him. In fact, I felt sorry for his mother because I am a mother. I would not be proud to have a child in this kind of situation. .
“But throughout the sentencing week, I think it was just apathy. I think it was more like, ‘Okay, it is what it is. Let’s see this.’
IMPRISONMENT OF LIFE WITHOUT PAROLE
The following day, Tarrant was sentenced to life in prison without parole, the first time such a sentence had been handed down in New Zealand.
Ms. Hamimah said she admired how the judge, Cameron Mander, was “so helpful, kind and courteous to mention each of the deceased” in two hours of comments.
“When he finally pronounced sentence on the terrorist, we were all really calm. I think we were so relieved and grateful that our prayers were answered during sentencing,” he said.
There were some concerns that Tarrant could receive a more lenient sentence as he pleaded guilty after initially claiming a trial, he added.
LEE: New Zealand judge sentences to life imprisonment, without parole, the mosque shooter for ‘perverse crimes’
Ms. Hamimah left the courtroom and joined the other survivors as one of them recited the Muslim prayer call, which she said helped calm them.
“And as soon as we left the court, it all broke loose. Everyone was celebrating.”
“We had a whole crowd waiting to greet us and celebrate with us, so it was very sweet. That’s New Zealand for you.”
Survivors and relatives of the 2019 twin mosque shootings greet each other in front of the High Court building on the last day of the sentencing hearing on August 27, 2020 (Photo: AFP / Sanka Vidanagama).
Ms Hamimah was hesitant to say that the sentence has brought closure, noting that on “something as shocking as this, I’m not sure it can come to a closure.”
“I’ve always used the analogy of a long-distance hurdling race. So it’s just another hurdle that you jump over and get closer and closer to the finish line,” he said.
READ: ‘Not my time yet’: Malaysian survivor recounts horrific Christchurch mosque shooting
“But after this we still have the royal commission (investigating the incident), the government’s response to the royal commission, and then I’m not sure if there will be another memory of the second anniversary.
“But if you ask me personally, I really don’t want people to forget this. So I really don’t expect closure in that regard, because I really want people to keep remembering this incident and all the good and bad that has come out of it. The lessons we must learn from him. “
Mourners left flowers in the Christchurch Botanical Gardens in the days after the attacks. (Photo: Aqil Haziq Mahmud)
Ms Hamimah said Singapore can learn from the attacks by asking some “tough questions” and addressing any hatred, bigotry or racism in its society.
“Nobody expected the attack to happen in Christchurch. Therefore, we cannot be complacent and think that it cannot happen in our country as well,” he said.
“When people have stereotypes, they feed off of them and then spread them. It can be an influencing factor … all it takes is a nutcase.”
A GOOD ENDING
Ms. Hamimah is now back in Singapore, busy with her job as a speech and language therapist at a public hospital and looking after her two children.
In his impact statement, written some time before sentencing, Hamimah said his sons asked questions like why the man killed their father and whether the man was from ISIS.
But the nature of his inquiries has now changed, he said.
A student leaving a memorial at the University of Canterbury wall. (Photo: Aqil Haziq Mahmud)
“COVID-19 is a blessing in disguise, in a way. It helps my children not ask us to return to Christchurch as often as before COVID. It distracted them quite a bit and helped them adjust,” he said.
“I think the way I have approached the death of their slime seems to be working so far, like helping them understand that death is a transition, that we will meet him again in the afterlife.
“So I haven’t been asked any more questions related to the attack. In fact, when his slime is mentioned now, it’s more like a matter of fact, like, ‘Oh yeah, Baba liked this.’ a tone of nostalgia. “
People who write notes for those affected by the attacks. (Photo: Aqil Haziq Mahmud)
In terms of dealing with her own loss, Ms Hamimah said she has written extensively on therapeutic issues and has used her two weeks of isolation in New Zealand to reflect on what has happened in the past year, without the distraction of work and time. daily Homeworks. .
“The circumstances in which my husband’s life was taken is a good ending for Muslims,” she said.
“So that solves much of my healing because what do I have to complain about? In fact, I have to worry about my end. The end of my husband, we know from religion, they will be rewarded with martyrdom and get their place in paradise.
READ: ‘One of the safest countries’ – Some fear and trauma, but Malays in Christchurch are going nowhere
“If I believe in that, then I should focus more on how to carry on with my children with courage, strength, and carry on my husband’s legacy.
“And not letting what happened to him or our community happen to other communities. Literally, what can I do to make sure I use this experience to benefit society or benefit others.”
FORGIVENESS WAS NEVER A QUESTION
With that, Ms. Hamimah was asked if she forgives the terrorist for what he had done to her husband.
“For me, that has never been a question, whether to forgive him or not,” he replied.
“Because I don’t feel for myself that I have a lot of anger in me and that I need to forgive him. Or that I don’t forgive him, so I cling to anger and all those other psychological things. Don’t do it.”
The flowers outside the Botanical Gardens. (Photo: Aqil Haziq Mahmud)
Since Ms. Hamimah found herself feeling some pity for him at one point, she said, “If feeling pity is part of forgiveness, then yes, I’m getting closer, but I really didn’t need to forgive him at all.”
But Hamimah said there could be some who misinterpret forgiveness as a prior punishment.
“People need to understand that forgiving does not mean that we agree to look over punishment or the administration of justice,” he added.
