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SINGAPORE – Ms. Mavis Tan, 42, has her hands full during the coronavirus.
After guiding her children in their learning at home (HBL) when schools closed in early April, the stay-at-home mother imposed on her children, Zach and Sara, daily “challenges” to keep the boredom.
While staying indoors during the current school holidays, kids ages six and seven have been competing to make crafts and toys in a variety of challenges, including paper cups, Lego, and ice cream sticks, which their mother has set .
Then Ms Tan, who is married to a 52-year-old Brit who works in corporate insurance, has Zach and Sara do a show and tell presentation about their projects on video, which she sends to their artistic enrichment teachers for evaluation. .
It also helps them put together a video series, titled #FriendsofFFLShare, featuring science experiments, singing, and other activities for kids.
Strict measures of circuit breakers and closed school vacations, which began Tuesday, have made parenting more challenging for her.
“It is overwhelming. We are all at home and have had to take on some of the responsibility of the teachers, in addition to our routine work, such as planning and preparing children’s meals,” he says.
Many mothers like her report that parental burden has intensified during the pandemic as families are locked in confined spaces, shared with spouses who now work from home.
At the same time, some say that forced proximity has benefits such as increasing, albeit unplanned, quality time with their children.
A recent survey has found that the increased burden of parenting has contributed to increased stress levels for mothers, which can lead to poorer mental and emotional health.
The Focus on the Family Singapore survey of the state of motherhood in Singapore found that 60 percent of mothers reported stress levels of 7, or more, out of 10, with 10 being the highest.
This contrasts with 52 percent of mothers who reported similar stress levels in the same survey last year.
Conducted from March 18 to April 20, which begins at the start of the circuit breaker on April 7, the survey had 1,076 respondents.
The same survey last year, also conducted by the Focus on the Family Singapore charity, already revealed considerable stressors for women: Four out of five mothers experienced “mommy fault”, and seven out of 10 mothers reported feeling angry or frustrated many times a week.
Mother’s fault is the feeling of guilt, doubt, or concern when mothers think that they are failing as parents or that they do not meet the expectations of what a mother should be.
Ms Joanna Koh-Hoe, Executive Director of Focus on the Family Singapore, notes: “Along with this year’s findings, it appears that Covid-19 and the extended circuit breaker are increasing the physical and mental burden that mothers carry in terms childcare and housework. “
Also known as emotional work, the mental burden to which it refers is traditionally carried primarily by women. It describes a constant flow of thought, planning and organization for the home. This is usually accompanied by a low-level buzz of anxiety about the well-being of the family.
Such work can range from scheduling activities to keep a young child busy with a 15-minute attention span while working from home; support a child in his learning at home; remember a baby’s immunization dates, buy a birthday gift for the mother-in-law; to keep track of what you need to stock up on groceries.
The mental burden of incessantly planning and organizing, for example, meals and home activities, has become “more visible” at Covid-19, says Dr. Aliya Hamid Rao, assistant professor of sociology at the Singapore Administration University (SMU). In addition, mothers are also held physically responsible for a greater share of child care.
But a dividend from this unusual time, says Dr. Nilanjan Raghunath, an assistant professor of sociology at Singapore University of Technology and Design (SUTD), is that family dynamics may change under the coronavirus, and some couples are witnessing a minor imbalance in their parenting.
“Although mothers are multitasking more than ever, dads are also doing more for the family,” she says.
An example is what was happening in Mrs. Nur Hafizah Sulaiman’s home during home learning (HBL).
The 37-year-old sales manager used to leave the supervision of her three children: Lana Rose, four; Leia Sarah, six years old; and eight-year-old Mika Asidq, with her husband, as she squatted behind closed doors to attend to customer calls that lasted an hour.
Her husband, independent merchant Mohammed Fariheen Mohamed Faroukh, 37, became the dominant father of HBL as his hours were more flexible than hers. Previously, she was the only one committed to the academic work of children.
She says, “I take a step when I need to, and he does the same. It’s about giving and receiving.”
The uncertainty of the coronavirus situation has also led many parents to reevaluate their parenting priorities.
Ms. Violet Lim, co-founder of the local dating agency Lunch Actually with her husband, Mr. Jamie Lee, has had to deal with a number of surprises in recent months.
Both Ms. Lim, 40, and Mr. Lee, 44, were hospitalized after hiring Covid-19 after a trip to the United States in early March.
Ms. Lim had to quickly adapt to be an HBL guide after being discharged. Her youngest son Cara, 11, has ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) and sometimes has a hard time paying attention at school, so Ms. Lim was pleasantly surprised to find her daughter thriving under HBL .
Cara, who has a 14-year-old brother, Corum, learned at her own pace and marked assignments every day, completing them ahead of time.
Ms Lim says: “Covid has reinforced my view that my upbringing should focus on preparing children for any eventuality, whether in terms of imparting values or skills.
“Increasingly, with all the uncertainty in the word, we want to make sure they learn to be independent and make good decisions.”
Beyond academics, Ms. Lim has been teaching her children how to be resilient, how to encourage them to be intentional in how they react to events. For example, children may choose to stay positive, rather than be consumed by negativity, by reading incessant news reports about the virus.
Meanwhile, nurse Amy Teoh, 33, is finding life more relaxing, despite her demanding role as an essential worker.
The head nurse at Tan Tock Seng Hospital (TTSH), who has been deployed to the National Infectious Diseases Center (NCID) screening center, works the night shift now. To reduce the risk of infection, she takes a shower before leaving work and again when she comes home with her husband and three children, ages three, five, and eight.
Teoh, 33, says, “I am more relaxed about parenting as I have delegated some responsibilities to my husband and children.”
She appreciates living in the moment, bonding while the kids play hide and seek at home.
Covid-19 has also made Judith Alagirisamy, who is in her 30s, reflect on her beliefs about being a mother.
“As a mother, I had a feeling that I needed to do everything and do it right,” says the mother of two, who works in the nonprofit sector. She is more willing to ask for help from her husband, the teacher Savarimuthu Xavier, who began to buy food for her parents. The couple has two children, Ezra, 10, and Micah, 12.
Time seems to flow differently under the circuit breaker.
Where once there was a rush to maintain an enrichment class schedule for children, now there are family movie nights and leisurely nights.
Micah is learning basic Japanese in the Duolingo app and Ezra is writing his own stories.
Judith says: “I have realized that as a mother your life can be simple and calm, and still very good.”
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