Sailors Take Your Crabby Teen To Disneyland, Force You To Have Fun, Win 10-7

You’d be begging for weeks, rationally arguing that teens would be home alone all the time, and when all that failed, you would throw an old-fashioned tantrum, and still it still didn’t work. The Mariners stuffed him into the family van, a 2020 Ford Patience with a rebuilt engine, wrote “Disneyland or Bust” with colored sunscreen on the back window, and headed for the California sunset. And what was the first thing you saw when you got to the parking lot? All your cool ESPN friends.

Oh my god kill me now he hissed, and no one listened, and instead pushed you through the gates of the main street.

Main Street is where it all starts at Disneyland, so think of Justin Dunn as the host of the Electric Parade, except that sometimes electricity went in and out. Dunn started out quite well, getting the always annoying David Fletcher to flip him around and fly out of Trout before walking Anthony Rendon on six pitches, some of which unfortunately were not competitive pitches. Dunn would be rescued from any potential issues in that inning, however, by Right Fielder Tim Lopes:

Dunn would also have a second and third scoreless inning, striking out Justin Upton and Jason Castro, and getting some help from his defense with Evan White, who functioned as a Disney security guard tonight, catching everything and letting the opposition get away with it.

Unfortunately, things fell apart in the fourth for Dunn, who was making his first start but was very inconsistent in the zone all night, losing points and counting at least six of the 14 batters he faced. Dunn’s finish line was 65 pitches, 37 strikes, which isn’t terrifying on paper, but working on that pitch will be key for Dunn, so hitters can’t last longer than him. He also had three walks in three work entrances, which is less than ideal.

To be fair, Dunn should have started the fourth by retreating Trout with a dirt ball, but JP’s shot went wildly over Evan White’s head. Unbelievably, White almost dropped the launch of Space Mountain, displaying the ballet grace that is a hallmark of his defense and even making Trout watch him:

From there, Dunn seemed a little shaken, walking Rendon on five not particularly competitive pitches. Apparently, he had Ohtani on the ropes, 0-2, and then threw a foot slider at him that was honestly not a bad shot, Ohtani just went down and caught him for a three-run homer. I wasn’t watching the ESPN broadcast at the time, but I shuddered to think what was being said. When I was a grumpy teenager dragged to Disneyland by my parents, my dad, a huge jazz fan, got on a table in New Orleans Square so he could see the imitation Dixieland band playing there better and started yelling and screaming along with the band, so yeah, embarrassing family territory is definitely my home stadium.

After walking with Justin Upton, Dunn was picked up by Nick Margevicius, who immediately made a double play (and made an athletic move to boot!) And struck out Rendon looking to end the inning. Margevicius homered Goodwin in the fifth to extend the Angels’ lead to 4-1, but otherwise limited the damage, but was then picked up almost immediately in the sixth when he unfortunately chased an Ohtani popout on territory. dirty, fell down and ate the warning trail.

I would still take it over my own father standing on a table and playing an invisible clarinet while tourists took photos of him.

Before the disaster inning, which has been an unfortunate topic early in the games, the Mariners had been keeping a slight lead in the fourth thanks to a small old ball: a base shot by JP Crawford, Evan White coming out. picking a fielder and then going to third place on a beautiful bat liner by Kyle Lewis, who continues to show both average and power hitting ability, and a Simply Seager base hit to drive in what was at that time the game’s first run. As a side note, the top four hitters in the lineup tonight were a combined 8-for-16 total with three walks and two strikeouts. JP Crawford had his first career start at the start and made the most of it, going 2-for-3 with two walks and two RBI, and strikeouts to zero. Heck, yeah, JP.I could even pretend to know who you are at the Country Bear Jamboree, if that was something that still existed.

Not content that the Mariners were left behind after all their hard work, JP started the rally on the sixth walk, encouraging Joe Maddon to push Angels starter Andrew Heaney, who looked good on his second outing of the year, matching his agitation. Total since his first outing with six, though he gave up quite a few more punches than he did against the A (five against just two hits for the A). The Mariners then feasted on the Angels’ offseason exemption claim, Mike Mayers, who got Evan White to fly but then fell behind Kyle Lewis 3-0. Lewis then saw two punches pass, causing a slight degree of panic in these parts, before smoking a base hit a ball breaking in the low area in right field to push JP to third. Kyle Lewis hits oppo, more delicious than a pineapple whip (no I don’t call it by its sponsored name, LL is not for sale unless you have an offer for us). Seager then hit a single to score Crawford, and Timmy “Two Bags” Lopes doubled, scoring Lewis and leading the Mariners to run. Then it was time for Dylan Moore, baby:

If Dylan Moore was a Disneyland trip, it would be California Screamin ‘because it doubles the cotinuum of space-time and I’m SCREAMING about it. I still don’t understand the physics of how such a small man creates such immense power! I am so happy to be confused about Dylan Moore’s physics again!

That put the Mariners up 6-4, but do you remember the earlier footage of Nicky Marge getting a warning hint in the sixth before she could record an out? Well, he was replaced by Bryan Shaw, who, to his credit, hit Ohtani:

But who also hit a home run to Upton (disgusting!), And a two-run RBI double to Brian Goodwin (ew!), Who spells his name the right way, why can’t you be more like the other Brian. ? I’m going to assemble the tea cups by myself nobody follows me.

However, like the It’s A Small World chorus, the Mariners simply wouldn’t leave. Shed Long, pushing his way through the lineup as an offensive replacement for wide receiver Joe Odom, greeted new Angels reliever Jacob Barnes (Not even the Barnes, I thought he was? The Mariners could have a stable group of relievers without name, but have nothing on angels) rudely, hitting a single on the right. Then your coolest cousin, JP Crawford, worked a four-pitch walk, as did Evan White, loading the bases for Kyle Lewis to hit in picking a fielder who tied the game against rising Angels closer Ty Buttrey. , who had come in to replace the battered Barnes. If this was Tomorrowland, seeing all these young players being patient and walking around was a great sign. Kyle Seager followed with a sack fly, proving that even your old dad can be very good sometimes just leaning on him, like wearing a tropical print shirt specifically to get into Tiki’s haunted room. Sometimes kitsch is perfect.

Speaking of the right thing, the Mariners would extend their lead in the eighth, again led by JP Crawford, who put up perhaps the best at-bat for a Mariners player all year, leading home to Shed Long and Dee Gordon, who They had walked (!!!) – but John will have a complete breakdown of that for you tomorrow (later today), so we won’t ruin the fun just yet.

He then went to Adventureland to see the rear of the Mariners bullpen trying to protect a runway using a combination of [pulls three cards from deck] Taylor Williams, Anthony Misiewicz and Dan Altavilla? Okay. Misiewicz handled the eighth inning with ability, withdrawing the bottom third of the Angels’ order (though giving up a walk). Williams and Altavilla, on the other hand, received the most delicate parts of the Angels’ lineup. In the seventh, Williams gave Trout a base hit, and allowed him an additional base on a balk, but managed to get Upton on the fly and, critically, struck out Rendon at 96 on the black at the bottom of the zone:

Rendon was also very angry about that, so extra points for that, TWilly. Churros on me.

Altavilla, with an appropriate beard for Frontierland, got a board similar to TWilly’s, and despite giving up a double to Mike Trout, because Mike Trout struck out David Fletcher and got flights from Rendon and Ohtani to post a clean entry. Alt was an easy 97-99 with his fastball and 90-92 with the slider, which he located better as the inning progressed, and it seems that he has somehow built up even more muscle on his frame during the quarantine. And by “frame”, I mean “rear”.

The thing about Disney is that it works. Even as a sullen teenager, dragged on a family vacation and armed with cultural criticism of the company’s history and a big help from snark, I’ll never forget how beautiful the lights looked at night, the faint citrus scent on the warm atmosphere. air, the feeling of carefully cured but penetrating magic. In a season when many of us question the ethical implications of watching baseball, compared to the shameful legacy of belonging to this Mariners family, perhaps a little cured magic is acceptable. It reminds me of the great essayist EB White writing in “What do our hearts treasure?” about making a Christmas in Maine in Florida, where he and his wife miserably try to recreate their old traditions in a maddening tropical setting. The couple receive a package from their children and grandchildren and they can finally recreate the sensation of the season, armed with memories of the ones they love the most, to the point where White looks out the window at the Australian pines and pines. sees them as Christmas trees:

They were firs! They were made of birch! They were firs! Everywhere, everywhere, Christmas.

It is love that does that, that allows us to see an Australian pine as a Christmas tree, magic in the making, hope for a largely lost season. A love that is embarrassing, cheesy, cliche, but a love that is love anyway.