Jimmy Butler is chasing Dirk Nowitzki for most of the key playoff spots of the past decade.



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Clutch stats in the NBA are defined as statistics collected in the last 5 minutes of a game where the score is within 5 points. To get to the top of any list of key playoff statistics, a player has to play in several tight games or play a large number of playoff games. In 2011, Dirk Nowitzki did both. But as you can see, Jimmy Butler is going up.

And on that note, I have a word for Mr. Butler: Don’t you dare. Bastard. You let Dirk Nowitzki keep this, or help me. Don’t try to take it off. I like you. I like your courage and attitude and I like your strange affinity for country western styles and music. But if you take this away from my great German father, you will always be my enemy.

Don’t make me support the Lakers, that’s a nightmare. Supporting the Heat IS NOT GOOD anymore, but your team is really fun! Let Jae Crowder go tonight, dog! Try to get 22 assists or something like that. The only acceptable Game 6 outcomes are: Lakers win – Jimmy Butler has fewer than 18 decisive points, or the Heat win – Jimmy Butler has less than 18 decisive points. If the Heat win Game 6, we will reevaluate it at that time.

Now, as I’m sure most of you know, I don’t really give a shit about this. But it’s a fun opportunity to talk about Dirk scoring SIXTY-SIX points in his decisive 50 minutes in the 2011 Playoffs. You know, 1.32 points per minute. 47.5 points for 36. A truly insane performance. Just gross. Here, enjoy the highlights to ease your Sunday fears.



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