Things I Learned Before I Turned 41: About Life and Acting

Things I Learned Before I Turned 41: About Life and Acting

Hi. My name is Alfredo Paolo Dumlao Vargas III. Most people know me as Alfred Vargas. But my family, childhood friends, teachers and neighbors who have known me since I was a child call me Alfie.

I was born on October 24, 1979 as the third child of Freddie and Ching Vargas. There were no ultrasound machines then to determine the sex of the baby, so imagine the anticipation and suspense my parents felt before I was born!

This was especially true of my dad, who was completely anxious. He already had two beautiful daughters, Vanessa and Veronica, and he was grateful for that, but he also wanted a son named after him (he had another son, Patrick, after me, so he was very happy). The day of delivery came and when the doctor took me directly from my mother’s womb and pronounced the triumphant “It’s a boy!” my father was so excited that he hit the innocent walls of the Cardinal Santos Medical Center with such force that he almost broke his knuckles.

My parents called me Alfie after that famous Dionne Warwick song. It is the first time I have used this name in public. For this column, Alfred will step aside so you can meet Alfie, my side that very few people know. I am opening up.

While I know that there is still much more to learn about life, and that this column does not claim to provide absolute solutions to all kinds of problems, I am delighted to share my story with all readers who are curious to know what it is about. it’s like riding this great and rare adventure where politics, show business, advocacy and family life come into play.

Who knows, we could have a lot in common. And no matter how unique my stories seem, could we be going through the same things after all? The courage to have someone listen to you and share good advice can work wonders.

For the first time, let me share with you what it is all about.

Today I am 41 years old. Forty-one years in this life is no small thing. Time flew by relentlessly fast and knowledge took its time to reveal itself. Fortunately, I was able to befriend both of them, at least most of the time. My tactic was: keep an open mind and accept all experiences. At one point, I got tired of “learning from my own mistakes,” so I developed an eye for trying to learn from other people’s mistakes, and also from their successes. However, it is better to learn a few lessons on your own.

Here are the 41 lessons I would like to share with you about life, love and being 41 years old.

Life lessons

When I was in second grade, one day I came home crying. I wanted to run to my room in our rented house in Loyola Heights so no one would see me cry.

I didn’t realize that my father was already in the dining room as he climbed the stairs. He arrived a few minutes before me, fresh from his usual evening golf. He followed me to my room after a few minutes and sat on the bed next to me. He asked me what happened.

Some mestizos at school called me “black,” I told him. He replied, “Okay, son. Don’t be affected by such things. ”I was surprised to hear this from him, a very strong and level-headed type of man.

I was hoping he would say something like “fight” or “vindicate you.” So I asked him: “Po? What do you mean I’ll just let them go? And he said, “Why, have you ever heard of ‘tall white and handsome’?” then he laughed a little. “Be proud of your color. Be proud of your brunette. You belong to your daddy. We are both dark, the first is strong! “said my dad, with a mischievous laugh.” One day, you will be ‘tall, dark and handsome’, so you will have to eat a lot to grow up. “I smiled and felt much better.

For my dad, I was already dark… and handsome, so taking my time to grow up without taking revenge on bullies became my immediate goal.

Did the school kids bully me again? Yes. But my confidence started to grow after that special afternoon with Dad. Soon enough, the bullying stopped because everyone noticed the positive change in me. Alfie began to believe in himself and have confidence.

Among all the other things I learned about life from there, there were three of the most important lessons I learned from Dad that day:

First of all, it is up to you how to put things in perspective.
Second, accept who you are.
And third, there are many ways to handle adversity, and it doesn’t always have to be upfront.

Here are the many other life lessons I’ve learned since:

1. Faith in God gives meaning and purpose to human life. I got this from the JCI Creed. I have been active in the Capitol Jaycees organization since 2009.
2. Find your WHY, the true meaning and central purpose of your life. In fact, there is a workshop on how to find out. Mine is “to bring hope and inspiration to others so that, together, we can create positive change.” What’s yours? I wake up every day reciting my WHY. Life will never be the same again the moment you know your WHY.
3. Good relationships define your life and your happiness. Look for meaningful relationships, not transactional.
4. Win the first hour of every day for you. Starting the day right puts you in a position to end the day even better.
5. Being with people who believe in you. Don’t waste time with other people who will tear you down.
6. We all have the same thing 24 hours a day. The way you use yours will make the difference between success and failure.
7. Multitasking is overrated. You will end up doing a lot of half chores. Try a single task. Finish what’s important first and then move on to the next task. In fact, it is more efficient and productive.
8. A key part of finding balance in life is defining your non-negotiable. Mine is God, family, work, service to others and all the other things, in that order. I strictly enforce this. It makes my days so much easier. These are my priorities in life. I am very lucky that numbers three and four are one and the same.
9. Schedule your vacation in advance. It is something to always look forward to and motivate, especially in times of stress.
   

   Alfie with his wife Jasmine and children

10. Enjoy being 41 when you’re 41. Some enjoy 41 when they are 21. Others enjoy 21 when they are 41; It’s not a good idea. I have met people who walk this unfortunate path. Learn from the past and plan for the future! But never forget to live in the moment, the now!
11. Listen to music. If you get their language, you can magically communicate more effectively than a conversation or a book. I understood this language more when I started collecting vinyl records. It has a certain analog feel that is inexplicably sweet like candy to the soul.
12. Someone will betray you from time to time, it is part of life. But whatever happens, never betray your principles.
13. Revenge doesn’t pay. Forgive but not forget. Sorry it is more for you, for your own peace.
14. Education is a lifelong endeavor. The moment you think you’ve learned enough is the moment you stop evolving as a human being. The moment you stop evolving is the moment you stop living.
15. A best friend is enough. To have two is to have the world. They are not perfect. But keep them still. True friends are hard to find today. Love them.

Lessons about being an actor

I am an accidental actor. I had a totally different plan worked out for me. At 18, I was determined to follow in my mother’s footsteps and become a lawyer. That is why I took Management Economics. But fate had a different plan for me. Suddenly I found myself bitten by the acting error in one of our plays in English 101.

In college, I joined Tanghalang Athenaeum, a theater group, and my “career” as an actor soon began. I played Orsino in Shakespeare’s “12th Night” and they gave me many other roles. From a “taumbayan” and an extra infantryman, to a convincing kontrabida, and finally to the lead roles, I was able to learn quite a bit in the art of acting. I was so in love with the theater that I slept in the empty center stage of the Rizal Mini Theater during my long breaks, with my thick economics books as a pillow. I loved the silence when it was empty. And I loved the applause from a genuine audience every night of performance.

Unfortunately, I was immature then, trying very hard to grow. My life was full of drama, from family to financial challenges and adolescence. Acting became my refuge. And the theater became my home. He saved me.

I have tried and thrived from stage to radio, television, and film acting. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for the lessons I learned as an actor, as an artist.

16. Take the meaningful route in your career, not the shortcut. There will be many tempting shortcuts along the way. You will miss the whole trip if you take shortcuts. It’s about the journey, not the destination.
17. Indecent proposals come by the dozen. It is what it is. INDECENT. Never, don’t even consider it.
18. Don’t exercise for selfies. Exercise for self-esteem and everything will be better. Use vanity to achieve longevity. Exercise for the sake of your well-being.
19. Nobody owes you anything. Don’t blame your producer or network or the press or others for your failures. You are responsible for yourself and for everything you have and will achieve. At the end of the day, you will get what you deserve.
20. To act is to react.
21. Luck is for those who are not prepared. If you pay your debts and you are prepared, you are actually inviting good fortune. One of the worst things that can happen to you is when a great opportunity comes along and you are not ready to seize the opportunity. Don’t expect that big leap. Get ready for it!

Read next week’s column to keep reading about the 41 life lessons I want to share with you. There I will share personal insights that I have learned as a public servant, husband and father. Who knows, maybe you can relate to one or two.

See you next week so I can tell you more about what it is about.

You can contact me by email [email protected] for comments, suggestions and questions, or on my Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or YouTube pages.