James Weir: The Only Dating Lie You Should Never Tell

COMMENTARY:

You should never lie in the first days of a new relationship.

Not because it’s wrong. But because it could make you wake up at 5 in the morning on a weekend to go hiking in the bush.

My apologies, it is a shocking picture to paint so early on a Sunday. This story should have come with an activation warning at the top. Order another croissant and take a deep breath.

The first days of a relationship are difficult. There is a lot of pressure to present your best self and you do whatever it takes to block it.

You say you love to cook even though the only thing in your fridge is an old bag of spinach that has now disintegrated into liquid (if anyone ever opens your fridge and judges, just say it’s your green juice).

“I love kids,” you exclaim, although the closest you get to them is when they’re sitting at a nearby table at brunch time (and you spend the whole time whispering to yourself that it’s an inappropriate place for kids).

And you pretend you don’t wear the same outfit every day for a week.

But the riskiest thing about lying is being an outdoors person. This one will really bite you again.

Why? Because if you’re dating an outdoors person and you tell them that you’re an outdoors person too, they will eventually expect you to go outdoors.

We’re watching this lie unfold right now at The Bachelor.

A girl named Irena is a favorite who has suddenly started to show off to Locky that she loves the outdoors and walks all the time. Locky is an outdoors person to the bone, so he’s eating all of this.

But other contestants and some viewers are criticizing Irena for not being a genuine outdoor person. She is an inside person, they allege.

Indoor people have such a bad reputation. I think the only walk anyone should do on a weekend is to take the escalator in Westfield.

We indoor people have a lot to offer. We usually have the television guide memorized. We know which restaurants start delivering at different times of the day. And if you’ve been an insider since birth, you’ve developed a unique ability to know when the final commercial is playing in the ad break and when the TV show is about to restart.

It is like a supernatural gift.

The point is, if you lie about being an outdoor person like Irena, you are playing with fire. Be prepared to say goodbye to your weekends and install roof bars on your VW Golf for the kayak you will soon be forced to use.

YOUR LETTERS, PUBLISHED WITHOUT PERMISSION

We are getting jaded and nostalgic in another round of His letters, published without permission.

A few weeks ago we had a column about someone who stole his brother’s precious baby name and used it on his new dog just before birth.

I mentioned that I wanted to buy a bunch of dogs so I could steal people’s baby names and distribute them around the arena as needed, and that the joy of doing this will far outweigh my hatred for dogs.

Well, saying you hate dogs is something you are not allowed to do.

A reader, Kate, knows all about this. She said these are the three words that many people are afraid to say: I hate dogs.

“I have never felt more publicly ashamed as when I shared this same sentiment. Dogs are the worst, but dog owners are their own special breed of idiots,” she wrote.

Too good, Kate.

Those of us who hate dogs must stand up and speak our truth. It is an unpopular opinion, but sometimes it is necessary to open paths alone.

And angry dog ​​owners, don’t send angry letters. If you do, they will be used to line the cat litter box.

The only thing more controversial than hating dogs is hating Love Actually.

That movie is the worst, but if you ever say it in public, people look at you the way Ellen looks at her staff when they do something wrong.

Other letters came after last week’s column on how life was better in 2007 when Keeping Up With The Kardashians first debuted. They were mainly mourning the disappearance of the pink Motorola Razr flip phone.

The message is clear: we need a renaissance of folding phones.

The iPhone is fine, but nothing matches the feeling of fighting someone on the phone and then violently closing it.

Let’s start the revolution.