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OPINION: We live in a time when we open up and share our private hurts, pains, and tragedies so that others feel better about theirs. A shared problem is apparently a problem cut in half.
So why am I a little uncomfortable about a comment the Duchess of Sussex made when opening up and divulging to the press that she had a miscarriage earlier this year?
Of course, it is tremendously sad that Meghan Markle miscarried two months after Archie, her firstborn, had his first birthday. She wanted to highlight the pain and sadness that she and Harry went through so that other women and their partners experiencing a miscarriage would not feel so alone.
To say that there is a lot of pressure on pregnant royalty is an understatement. We know this from reading history and watching countless TV and movie shows about the pressure on monarchs to produce a male heir, and the terrible fate of wives who were infertile and miscarried.
READ MORE:
* Why Meghan Markle decided to write about her miscarriage
* Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, reveals she suffered a miscarriage
* Why Archie’s christening was ‘tense’ for the royal family
Having an heir and a spare was the wife’s number one job, and if you were lucky enough to be fertile, your position was secure.
Kirsty Wigglesworth / AP
The Duchess of Sussex has shared her experience of a miscarriage to highlight the pain and pain that she and Prince Harry went through, so other women and their partners don’t feel so alone.
One couldn’t help but think of the Queen, Prince Charles and Prince William, who may not have been aware of the sad news from Meghan and Harry before reading it in a newspaper editorial.
The bond between Princes William and Harry was previously so close that sharing the loss between the brothers would surely have cast aside all grievances and the bridges may have been repaired.
Buckingham Palace’s response, which was deeply personal and had no comment, sounded formal and cold. If this was the first time the royals found out, they may have been extremely upset that they had been shut down and couldn’t be there for Meghan and Harry in their hour of need. If this was a deliberate strategy to harm the royal family, it would have worked.
WPA Pool / Getty Images
Meghan and Harry with their firstborn, Archie. To say that there is a lot of pressure on pregnant royalty is an understatement, writes Jane Bowron.
How can you be helpful and supportive if you don’t know what happens when the lines of communication are down? Or maybe they did know and have privately supported, or been indifferent, to the loss of the Sussexes.
When the Duchess revealed her miscarriage, she referenced an ITV interview she did with a journalist in the 2019 documentary, An African trip. In it, he thanked the journalist for asking him if I was okay, “because not many people have asked me if I’m okay.”
The inference was that not many in the royal family had asked him how he was doing when he was struggling with his new life as royalty.
The Duchess has now urged that “people ask each other: ‘Are you okay?’ as the world recovers from the loss and pain of 2020 ”.
Kevin Stent / Stuff
Jane Bowron: “When people I don’t know very well ask me if I’m okay, my immediate reaction is defensive.”
If we, the world, followed his rather Californian plea to continually ask ourselves the question “Are you okay?” The question would quickly lose its sincerity.
When people I don’t know very well ask me if I’m okay, my immediate reaction is defensive. The very nature of the question becomes furious when you do a quick “why wouldn’t I be?” Check yourself to see if you’ve been displaying sad, angry, or bad behavior.
“You’re good?” is radically different from asking our polite Kiwi, “How are you?”, or the polite, “How are you?”
“You’re good?” uttered with the wrong lips could be construed as a nosy pseudo-psychological question disguised as contempt. Kiwi’s perfect response would be a cheery “Can’t complain”, or a “It’s none of your business” “I’m afraid it’s classified information.”
