Daughters launch a mental health movement after parents’ sudden death

WARNING: This article is about suicide and mental health problems.

“Check the garage, closet and pool.”

These are not the words you want to hear as you search for your father who has disappeared on the farm.

But this is what Christchurch student Grace Curtis was told in everyday life when she knew she was devastated.

It was a tradition, on Sundays drinks with dad. But as soon as she got to the North Canterbury farm, Grace knew something was wrong.

“The neighbors were at the door when I arrived, and I asked them if something was wrong and they said the animals were running around in a bit of anguish.”

At first, Grace wasn’t overly concerned, but when her screams went unanswered and messages weren’t opened, her alarm grew.

It was a heartbreaking suggestion from a family member on the phone to search the garage that led her to the exterior access door.

“Something just hit me, I replied ‘I don’t want to look there.

Now, just seven months after his death, the 22-year-old has launched an online mental health and suicide awareness campaign.

“I hope to share with people the journey of what it’s like to mourn suicide.”

Cool change – named for the song that played at John’s funeral – was created in collaboration with Georgia Harris and Tori Wheelans, whose parents also died suddenly.

The lyrics say “now my life is so prepared, it’s time for a cool change”, it talks about how Grace feels after John’s death.

For Georgia, social media pages are a place for the grieving to break the silence.

“To stop feeling that your loved ones committed suicide was so embarrassing that we cannot allow them to speak. Silence is not enough. We need to be loud. Share your stories. Share our travels.”

Tori says they want to tell people that they are not alone and that they can ask for help.

Living in the rural community, the Georgia and Grace families have seen the scars left by suicide, so they are pushing for mental health awareness for all New Zealanders, not just those who have the ease of treatment. urban doctor.

“In my experience of living in a rural area and being in the farming community, I couldn’t tell you how to access mental health services,” says Grace.

In general, she says that members of the farming community think that getting mental health support is “too difficult and not worth it” based on their “understanding of services.”

It’s a high-stakes game for the mental health of members of the industry that, while it was not a factor in her father’s death, Grace attributes in part to money and pressure to borrow more to keep farms afloat.

“Farmers are expected to get the same results but with less assistance, year after year.”

Another aspect she says is keeping honest conversations about suicide off the table is a “boy mentality”, which the student believes makes it difficult for them to overcome their pride and seek help.

“It can be really very difficult on egos when you can’t meet those animals, and with the changing environments, it’s really affecting their [farmers] mental health.”

Grace told the Herald that the reason she wanted to start the campaign so soon after her death is because she is still living it, so her message is raw and transparent.

“My story, my passion and my advice are very fresh.

“It is not a very talked about subject, the duel, so I hope to share the journey with people.”

Before her father’s death, Grace says her goals revolved around making money, excelling in college, and performing at her hockey, but later, they became as simple as getting out of bed and taking a shower.

“The first weeks you are living minute by minute. I thought I was going to stay like this, the pain does not go away, just learn to live with it. My advice is not to be hard on yourself because it is quite horrible.”

After her death, Grace went to work organizing public speaking events in schools, but her speech at one of the largest schools in the country has already been canceled after the death of a student.

She says the school told her it was not a good time to have the discussion.

While he understands the school’s hesitancy, he says keeping quiet about suicide and mental health issues only perpetuates taboos around illness.

“Whatever the current system, it’s not working. I struggle with the idea that we have one of the best qualities in life and one of the highest suicide rates.”

In the year through June 30, 654 people died by suicide, compared with 685 in the same period last year, according to coronary statistics released this month.

The suicide rate fell from 13.93 deaths per 100,000 to 13.01 deaths per 100,000, the lowest point in three years.

“While it is encouraging to see the rate and number of suicide suspects decline over the past year, it is important to remember that there are still more than 650 families who have lost someone in tragic circumstances,” Chief Coroner Deborah Marshall told early this month.

In addition to working online, Grace has already spoken with a handful of MPs in an attempt to garner multi-party support for the mental health sector.

“It should be a fair issue because it affects everyone. It should be more of a 10 or 15 year plan rather than parties introducing new policies every term.”

Women hope Cool Change will spark conversations about suicide and mental illness, as well as dispel the stigma that surrounds them.

Unfortunately, it is too late for her father, but Grace says it is not too late to save those fighting on the ground right now.

“This is not going to be an overnight problem. Instead of just throwing money and politics away, we must start with education.”

While their work has only just begun, Grace hopes that even the small steps they are taking now will reach those most in need.

“Even in your darkest hour and your darkest day, and I’ve had enough of them, there is nothing worth taking your life for.”

Where to get help:

• Life line: 0800 543 354 (available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week)
• Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 (0508 SUPPORT) (available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week)
• Youth services: (06) 3555 906
• Youthline: 0800 376 633
• Kidsline: 0800 543 754 (available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week)
• Whatsup: 0800 942 8787 (from 13:00 to 23:00)
• Helpline for depression: 0800 111 757 (available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week)
• Rainbow Youth: (09) 376 4155
• Helpline: 1737
If it is an emergency and you feel that you or someone else is at risk, call 111.