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Influencer and mother of two Rebecca Keil became a surrogate for Tess Dunford and her partner Dan Stemp after seeing their plea for a surrogate on Instagram.
Fast forward two years and now Dunford and Stemp can finally hold Keil’s precious gift in their arms: a baby named Ziggy Te Taonga Stemp.
But Dunford and Stemp’s journey was far from easy after the birth of their daughter Indi, who is now 2 years old, prompted Dunford to require blood transfusions and an emergency hysterectomy, meaning she couldn’t have another baby.
After months of recovery, Dunford and Stemp decided to go to Instagram in search of a replacement. The couple knew that, if possible, they wanted their little family to expand into one more.
Enter Rebecca Keil.
“I knew them a bit through their business (Don’t Be a Doormat) and through their work, and I knew that Tess would need a replacement,” Keil tells the Herald.
“Becoming a surrogate is something I always thought I wanted to do. I brought both of my children perfectly fine, and I don’t mind giving birth. In fact, I find it really cool!”
Her husband Jared was more than a supporter of the idea, saying he didn’t care as long as they didn’t keep the baby.
In September of last year, Dunford and Stemp reached their Givealittle fundraising goal of $ 15,000 for their surrogacy trip and necessary IVF treatments. Over the next year, the couple and Keil went through the mandatory counseling process and passed an ethics committee.
In March 2020, Dunford underwent an embryo transfer and then Keil had the fertilized egg transferred. Keil says they were “super lucky” because the transfers worked the first time.
The Covid-19 lockdown in March added a setback, Keil shared, noting that during his first quarter in New Zealand locked up he felt “pretty rubbish.” But he tried to keep the baby’s parents as connected as possible.
The trio’s journey has been documented on Instagram, with several of Keil and Dunford’s collective 45K followers labeling the arrival of baby Ziggy as “the most anticipated arrival of 2020.”
A mild case of pre-eclampsia led to Keil being induced on Friday, November 13. She went into labor on a Saturday night after her water broke and seven hours later at 3:48 a.m. On November 15, Ziggy was born through water.
The ever-sincere Keil describes the unfathomable experience simply as “strange.” “It’s hard when he’s not your son, it’s hard to find that motivation.”
So it was Dunford who became that motivation, jumping into the birthing group and being next to Keil and baby Ziggy in the emotional moment.
“Tess jumped into the pool with me when Zig was born so she could hug him right away. It was a really beautiful moment, everyone in the room was crying, but I was like, ‘here’s your son!” Keil laughs.
After the birth, everything “turned to shit,” Keil says: She had lost a lot of blood, her blood pressure dropped dramatically, and she needed several transfusions in the following days.
Keil also required surgery to repair a clot and internal tear from childbirth, which meant her uterus was not contracting as it would naturally.
The transfusions have also meant that Keil will not be able to express and donate his milk as he had planned.
By Wednesday morning, the ever optimistic Keil was making a good recovery and looked forward to going home and finally being able to see her own children.
“My children have been incredible, they are 5 and 6 years old and I struggled with that side of things, with being away from them. But we are all quite calm and we have had incredible support. My husband has been incredible.”
Keil hopes that her surrogacy journey will raise awareness of fertility issues in New Zealand and the different ways childbirth may be possible.
“Some people have texted me saying they didn’t even think you could be a surrogate in New Zealand. I don’t think we really have surrogacy laws, we have old adoption laws that make the process that much more difficult.”
It is these “archaic” laws that mean that Dunford and Stemp have to legally adopt their biological son Keil and her husband Jared; since they are married, it is legally assumed that he is the biological father.
Keil explains that while her body has given birth to a baby, it feels like Dunford has had a child.
“Mentally there is no pain from having to turn it in. I’ve cried the last few mornings, but that’s just the hormones.”
And he acknowledges that giving a child to his new friends has been “incredible.”
“It has been a very positive journey. I joke that I am trying to mark all the different ways of giving birth. But it has been incredible.”
Dunford shared a photo of baby Ziggy on Instagram along with a tribute to his surrogate mother.
“I am completely in awe and admiration for this wahine toa that carried, cared, cared for and brought our baby into this world in the most incredible way,” she wrote.
“It was one of the most powerful things I have ever experienced and I will never forget and always owe her for what she has done for us.”
