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Commentary
James Elliott was at the minor party leaders’ debate, where he made some astute remarks about power brokers and the structural integrity of water crackers.
Last night I found myself among a select group of attendees at Newshub‘s Powerbrokers’ Minority Party Leaders Debate. Or as host Simon Shepherd described it in a mistake he won’t see when it airs tomorrow, “TV3’s Powerbreakers Debate.”
In fact, any description would be fine if the party’s four-leader panel has a solid collective record in both power and the breakdown of power.
On the bar stools, with varying degrees of comfort depending on leg length, were Greens co-leader Marama Davidson, Law leader David Seymour and New Zealand’s first leader Winston Peters. The fourth member of the panel was ex Subway Man of the Year, Former Lawyer, Former Talkback Host, Former Wheel Clamp Eliminator, Former MP for Hauraki, Former MP for Tāmaki Makaurau, Former Cabinet Minister of Labor, Former Homeless Director, Former Waitemata DHB Candidate, Former Auckland Candidate Mayor, Former Broadcaster of Sieg Heil and current Maori Party co-leader John Tamihere.
Earlier in the day there had been the possibility of a fifth panelist, one who is racking up his own list of “previous” titles, Jami-Lee Ross. The former national botany MP and soon-to-be independent botany MP was embroiled in an urgent lawsuit in his capacity as the soon-to-be former co-leader of Advance New Zealand trying to secure a fifth bar stool. in the debate. He failed, and since Botany’s seat is no longer contested, his only chance of remaining in Parliament is number two on the Advance New Zealand party’s list, number three if leading statistical candidate Marj Inoferror is included.
Winston repeated his claim that the NZ First party was completely exonerated by the SFO’s findings, but he was still furious that the exoneration had occurred before the election.
To borrow Jacinda Ardern’s “Yes I can” debate slogan, if I can bring it back to John Tamihere. If he is the co-leader of the Maori Party, and he is, then “Why is he seventh on the party’s list?” it was a question that begged to be asked. So I was pleased when host Simon asked John, “If you are the co-leader of the Maori Party, why are you seventh on the party list?” John’s response was … actually, to be honest, I don’t know what his answer was because he was distracted by Newsroom’s Jono Milne trying to roll a long piece of ham into a small slice of rye bread. Borrowing from the Judith Collins debate slogan “I’ll tell you what,” I’ll tell you what, at each of the tables in the audience there were two platters of gorgeous canapes but unfortunately no knives. I was wondering if it was a health and safety issue, and if so, was it David Seymour’s health and safety that they were concerned about? Whatever the reason, the only cut that was happening was the cutting comments directed at David Seymour by Marama Davidson. And the cutting comments directed at David Seymour by John Tamihere. And the cutting comments directed at David Seymour by Winston Peters. Even presenter Simon joined David Seymour with a cutting question to the effect that “you want to manage the Covid quarantine with Air B’n’B, right?”
As it turned out, David Seymour wants us to manage Covid by being more like Taiwan, a controversial rejection of the one-China policy that most of the people in the room seemed to miss. To be fair, I couldn’t see everyone’s reaction because I was removing cookie shards while RNZJo Moir tried unsuccessfully to cut a slice of Brie with an Arnotts water cracker. I could see the apparent logic in trying to use a thin cracker to attempt to cut a soft cheese, but a water cracker just doesn’t have the structural integrity to cope with the stress of any lateral pressure, unlike the whole grain cracker from Huntley & Palmers which, as I demonstrated, was able to deal with not only the Brie but also a slightly firmer blue.
Also under pressure was Winston Peters, answering a question about the SFO investigation into donations made to the NZ First Foundation and the resulting criminal charges brought against two individuals. Winston repeated his claim that the NZ First party was completely exonerated by the SFO’s findings, but he was still furious that the exoneration had occurred before the election. I would imagine that if you are upset at the moment of being completely exonerated, then it may not be the full exoneration that you have claimed it to be.
Back to our table NewshubConnor Whitten claimed that the fried mystery balls contained broccoli. His face was a picture of journalistic impartiality and he had no idea whether he was pleased or displeased with this discovery. I thought I’d play it safe and come back for a few more grapes, but thought better of it when Marama Davidson reminded us of the importance of providing equal opportunity for all.
According to post-game experts, with the exception of Act, that was the common ground of the debate: equal opportunity for all, except a difference of opinion on how best to carry it out. And apparently the same thing happens with the canapés platters.
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