Bachelor NZ Episode 5 Recap: Moses Mackay ‘A Game’ and an Emotional Roller Coaster

“First question, do you choose the dates of the group?” Kimi asked.

“Nothing is intentional,” he said, and I’m a bit confused because you don’t choose the dates with intention, Moisés?

It was only a matter of time before we dealt with the first tears of the season and with five episodes under our belt, it came as no surprise when our kind and caring Bach responded with sheer empathy.

“This is a very strange place to be.” Does Moses have a title in Dealing With Emotionally Difficult Situations? Because at the first sign of tears, he hugs him instead of running away, like I would have.

After parting ways with an excited Kimi, Moses shared some alone time with Shivani, and it didn’t go as planned.

Shivani told Moses he didn’t like it when he called the show “a game.” Which was certainly a fair decision.

He corrected himself and called it a “human experiment” and a “social experiment”, but Shivani wasn’t there for it.

She felt it was a “journey” and Moses felt that something was not quite right.

Oh!

That talk was as bad as being in the back seat of the car while your best friend and her boyfriend are fighting in the front seat and you think that jumping into oncoming traffic might be more enjoyable.

Lou snuck into some alone time and she and Moses instantly made a rainy day sunny with their playful banter and sweet flirtation.

Back at the cocktail party, did Kimi come back to the table and give an exit speech?

Oh wait, it was a thank you speech and a hoax that my heart didn’t need.

Art showed a face that could only mean one thing, the time of the rose ceremony and I hope you were seated because two single women are going home.

Sad just reacts.

Moses showed the girls his usual charming smile, but brrr, he felt the wind change when he received an icy reply.

Moses had a rose and three single women, Shivani, Steph, and Kayla.

Steph was offered the rose, but she surprised everyone when she politely declined.

“I will not follow your coat tail for as long as it takes to get your attention.” And in that moment he knew that she was the main character in this scene. Bravo!

Moses’ face fell as fast as a gamer when you say no to his 3am message and he realizes that he is no longer the playmaker. I’m kidding that Moses isn’t like that, but come on, the analogy was too good.

The next day, Sam ran around the mansion trying to find Lana to tell her about their only date and ran to the glass door, which gave everyone a much-needed giggle.

Lana and Moses went on a horse ride that felt extremely like the Daughters of Mcleod and ended in the most romantic way possible, with a picnic and another third wheel, this time taking the form of a puppy.

I see you, Moses, I see you.

They spent the whole time laughing and Lana warned Moses not to ask who he thought was in the top five or bottom three because he wasn’t here for those games. Go girl.

Moses made romantic comedy real life and told Lana to look into the distance, when she turned to look at him he surprised her with a rose. Show that Ashton Kutcher has competition in Moses Mackay.

If you thought Steph rejecting the rose was the most explosive part of this episode, boy, I have news for you. Four news items in particular.

Moses met Art on a ship and was surprised when he realized that there were no single women on board.

“It’s just art,” Moses said, disappointed. Speak for yourself, Moses.

Art revealed that there are not one, not two, but FOUR intruders and four more names for me to try to spell correctly.

Welcome Alana, Suzanne, Lydia and Annelise.

All you need to know about this expected surprise is that Annelise seemed to be the only one with chemical potential and Suzanne is married, which definitely made Moses consider jumping off the ship.

Back at the mansion, Dev (very sadly) considered leaving because the age jokes are getting to her. Frankly a big con since T-Swift sang a whole song about how awesome 22 is.

And the single women pulled out their binoculars to discover they had competition.

Sam saw the intruders and told them to go home while lovely Lana was telling Sam that more or less, “shhh”.

Dev was right at the beginning of the episode when he said, “This is the definition of a roller coaster of emotions.”

I love a good suspense on hump day. See you next week.

• The Bachelor New Zealand airs at 7:30 pm on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday on TVNZ 2, and tune in to hear Sol3 Mio mornings on weekdays on Flava’s breakfast show.

Can’t get enough of The Bachelorette NZ on TVNZ 2?

Catch up on ZM’s Carwen Jones and Celia Whitley as they break it all down on the official podcast, Can I steal you for a second? After each episode airs, join the girls as they summarize and discuss what’s going on. They are the binge friends you never knew you needed.