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It may sound simple: choose to go to the grocery store when your child is not tired, communicate and acknowledge their feelings, and praise positive behavior.
But this type of parenting, now more than ever, is replacing the ancient forms of punishment.
Most Kiwi parents anticipate their children’s needs by giving them time to comply, praise them, acknowledge their children’s feelings, and communicate and reason rather than simply saying “no.”
A study, published Sunday by Save the Children, found that parents of different age groups, genders, education levels and ethnicity were resorting to positive forms of discipline.
Save the Children’s Director of Child Rights Research and Advocacy Jacqui Southey said the majority of parents surveyed used positive parenting methods.
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The most common form of discipline used by parents in the survey was anticipating their children’s needs (such as not taking them to the grocery store when they are tired), allowing time for the child to obey, praising positive behavior, acknowledging their children’s feelings , communicate with your children. child and reasoning with your child.
He also looked at where parents got advice from, and most relied on their friends, associates, family members, and early childhood teachers.
“If you are surrounded by friends and family who are well versed in child development and positive parenting practices, that is discussed and modeled for you, then that is incredibly positive, but not everyone is in that situation.
“If your family circle, or your circle of friends, has very little understanding of child development, is not supportive of, or is not informed about positive parenting practices, you are more likely to use negative physical punishment, then you are perpetuating a cycle of child abuse. children. “
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Early childhood teachers can be a source of advice for struggling parents
He said it was important not to underestimate the importance of professional support (such as early childhood teachers), who can help parents.
“Some parents talked about how they wanted to change what it was like for them as children, they wanted to do it differently and they wanted to do it better. Others talked about how they had learned over time with their own children and learned what worked and what didn’t. “
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Southey recommended more research in the area, as ECE teachers were a potentially untapped resource for parents.
“But we don’t want to put the burden on ECE teachers without also supporting them.”
A Plunket extension was another suggestion.
“Several parents spoke fondly about their experience with Plunket, but some commented that when they needed help to support their children’s behavior, Plunket was no longer in their lives.
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Southey said parents should trust their instincts and take advantage of them with expert advice.
She also felt that there was room to take a public health approach when it comes to positive parenting.
“In 2007, we were really forward-thinking in the law where we ban physical punishment of children in the home, but we don’t support that with the same level of information on what’s next.
“There is a lot of research that shows that it is harmful to hit children, yell at them, humiliate them, but there is much less that says what parents do instead and what works well.”
There should be a specific approach to ensuring that parents get the information they need.
“It could be as simple as parents signing up for an app, or some kind of information support when they sign up with their midwife, and then that goes on.”
Parents also used social media, such as Facebook, to receive information about parenting, and Southey said it was important to use critical thinking when interacting with such sites.
“There was a group of parents who were quite disillusioned with Facebook, they found that there was false information, which was more likely to push them, such as pushing them to buy items, or pushing ideologies that they didn’t. in accordance with.
“Some were convinced that they did not believe in the Internet as a means of raising their children.”
His advice to parents was to trust their instincts.
“If you feel like you are yelling too much or not enjoying your upbringing, there is very good information out there.
“Definitely connect with ECE centers and asked for support or ideas
… if it is difficult for them, some parents spoke with their GPs. “
Good communication, understanding your child’s development and needs, and anticipating those needs were critical.
“Parents talked about grocery shopping, they knew that if they went when their child was tired, they were more likely to have a major breakdown, so they would schedule him for an opportunity that was less likely to happen.
“And they talked about negotiating with their kids, so instead of saying yes to everything or no to everything, they actually gave them some limited options.”
But he said it was encouraging that the parents in the study seemed to be attuned to their children’s needs.
“So I think relying on that instinct is part of it, then basing it on the advice of the experts.”
