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Eighteen months ago, 13-year-old Dylan Laybourn was reunited with his father Bruce and older sister Gerry, but they were unable to celebrate with the entire family.
“For me, it was 12 years dreaming of a Kiwi Christmas with Dylan and all the extended whānau that was lost. Every day is Christmas now; it has been a long journey, but the destination has been worth it,” said Bruce.
Dylan was 4 months old when he was abducted in 2007 by his mother Gulsen Nil Laybourn and his Kurdish mother during what was supposed to be a three-week trip to Turkey.
Bruce still mourns the day he hugged his newborn son in Auckland and gave him to his maternal grandmother. He thought they were taking Dylan to visit Nil’s family, but they never returned to New Zealand.
“My mother warned me, ‘Nil’s mother is going to steal your baby.’
“Grandma kept grabbing Dylan, so that was a hint. She tapped me on the shoulder and said ‘I want to take Dylan home with me.’ I said ‘no, that’s never going to happen.’
Under the Hague Convention on Child Abduction, any dispute over custody must be heard in the child’s country of origin. But Turkey did not recognize New Zealand’s membership in the convention at the time and awarded custody to Nil.
Diplomatic efforts escalated to the point where former Prime Minister Helen Clark wrote to Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan about the case.
Attempts to get Dylan to New Zealand were emotionally and financially draining. Each year Bruce made two trips to Turkey.
Despite the geographical distance, the couple was close.
“He never understood why his father never stayed. We’ve talked about how exciting the reunions and heartbreaking games were. He was absolutely determined to come back here and he did.”
Dylan lived in a small apartment with his mother, a fitness instructor in Emirgan, a city on the European side of the Bosphorus in Istanbul.
He attended an Armenian Christian school in Ortakoy and is fluent in Turkish, English and Armenian.
Dylan says he doesn’t miss the concrete cityscape and being enclosed.
“I didn’t get to experience a lot of things living in an apartment,” Dylan said.
Now, from his window in Ōmāpere in Hokianga Harbor, Dylan sees golden sand dunes, pōhutukawa trees in bloom, and the endless ocean.
The “beefy” teenager, who dominates his father, loves the simplicity of rural New Zealand life and has inherited his love of fishing, sailing, cycling and kayaking.
“He didn’t have to learn to be a Kiwi kid, he was born here, it’s in his DNA,” said Bruce.
After a visit to New Zealand with his mother in 2018, Dylan didn’t want to leave.
“I calmly told my mother that I loved this place and wanted to live here. She didn’t take it too well and said ‘Can’t you be serious?’ but I had already made up my mind, “Dylan said.
Bruce and Nil reached a custody agreement in which they agreed that Dylan would return to live in New Zealand permanently and now he talks to his mother via Skype every day.
But for much of his life, Dylan was protected from the truth about his abduction.
When he was 9 years old, he Googled his name and was “shocked” to find that his mother’s family wanted $ 500,000 in exchange for him.
“As soon as I saw a video [report] of me being kidnapped on YouTube, it was decided. I told my mother’s family, ‘I will go back to New Zealand.’ I was infuriated when I found out that they wanted money for me. I thought ‘Wow, what a bad thing to do’. Steal someone’s child and then ask for money. ‘
The only thing she misses about Turkey is her grandmother’s cooking.
“There are not too many kebab shops in Ōmāpere.”
Dylan says that now he is ready to forgive his grandmother.
“She has been kind to me, was a great cook and took care of me. There is no denying that I share a bond with her. In the end, if she apologized and came to terms with me living here, I would probably forgive her.”
At Kerikeri High School, he is “just Dylan” to his friends.
“Only a few kids knew he was abducted and when people know about it, they are generally supportive and sympathetic to him, his story is fascinating, but he’s so casual about it,” Bruce said.
Her advice to parents going through a custody battle is to “be patient.”
“It’s a game of patience. I know you’re desperate to see your child and how heartbreaking he is. If you get too excited about an answer, prepare for disappointment. It’s a slow process.”
During the holidays, Dylan looks forward to collecting mussels from the rocks, barbecuing and swimming in the sea.
“I don’t think anyone should go through this, it was unnecessary and it caused a lot of damage. I want to thank my dad who never stopped fighting for me, it’s incredible. Most dads wouldn’t have gone that long to fight for their son, but mine did. I’m happy because I’m here now and we’re together. “
