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Supplied / Stuff
Chloe Destrieux (left) and her mother Michele died holding each other.
“No one can understand the void left in a father when he loses a son,” says Christian Destrieux from his Whangārei home.
Three years ago he lost his only daughter Chloe and her mother, Michele, to suicide. They died in each other’s arms.
“It has been exceptionally difficult.
“The only reason I’m happy to speak is if you can give a parent who tragically has to go through this some hope that you can build and move on.
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“It is absolutely possible because I know that at that moment and for a while the pain seems like it is not going to go away, it is hard, it is very strong.”
It was almost too much for him at the time. A recent published forensic report on their deaths has brought him some peace.
He said it was very obvious what had happened from the moment he received the news, and it was good that the coroner came to the same conclusion.
He still has a hard time talking about Chloe – she was only 18 when she died. He had been in his freshman year at the University of Auckland, where he was studying politics and education.
Supplied / Supplied
Christrian Destrieux has found comfort in pursuing a career that makes him feel close to the daughter he lost.
As a high achieving student and president of her local youth council, she was a strong voice for young people in Manurewa, south of Auckland, where she lived.
She helped others and was so active in her community that the death of her and her mother was a huge shock to Destrieux.
He had to get out of Auckland. There was nothing left there.
He went north where he found a new vocation, built a new life. Journalism and business life were left behind.
For almost two years she has worked as a teaching assistant in a special needs school. It’s a new world for him, reviving his sense of purpose and giving him some life back.
“When something like this happens, a lot of things change,” he said. “I ended up doing something that I love and that is very meaningful to me.”
It also hasn’t gone unnoticed that he ended up in the same field his daughter planned to enter.
Chloe had been interested in a future shaping education policy, and Destrieux said she felt a connection to her daughter through the work she did.
But getting to this point has required a lot of work and a lot of support from friends and family.
Chris Harrowell / Stuff
Chloe Destrieux was planning a career in education before she died.
And thanks to Covid-19, Destriuex once again has his son Jean-Luc under the same roof. He had been studying in India, but as the pandemic spread across the world, he returned home to be with his father, something the elder Destrieux has enjoyed.
The pandemic has also given him a new perspective on the capabilities of the health system in New Zealand and what the future might look like if the resources that have been applied to combat the pandemic are also directed to mental health.
“I think in this moment that we have proven that we can do quite extraordinary things when there is a crisis in our health area,” he said. “It seems to me that if you put in that kind of energy and finances, you could do more.”
For now, though, he just wants those struggling with loss to know that there is a brighter day somewhere on the horizon.
“They say when you’re going through hell, the only thing you can do is keep going, there’s a lot of truth to that,” he said.
Where to get help
- 1737, do you need to talk? Call or text 1737 toll free to speak with a trained counselor.
- Anxiety New Zealand 0800 ANXIETY (0800 269 4389)
- Depression.org.nz 0800111757 or text 4202
- Kidsline 0800 54 37 54 for people up to 18 years old. Open 24/7.
- Life line 0800 543 354
- Mental Health Foundation 09 623 4812, click here to access your free resource and information service.
- Rural support trust 0800 787 254
- Samaritans 0800 726 666
- Suicide Crisis Helpline 050828865 (SUPPORT 0508)
- Supporting families with mental illness 0800 732 825
- thelowdown.co.nz Web chat, email chat or free text 5626
- What happens 0800 942 8787 (from 5 to 18 years old). Telephone advice available from Monday to Friday from 12:00 to 23:00 and on weekends from 15:00 to 23:00. Online chat is available from 3 pm to 10 pm every day.
- Youthline 0800 376 633, free text 234, email [email protected], or find online chat and other support options here.
- If it’s an emergency Click here to find the number for your local crisis assessment team.
- In a life-threatening situation, call 111.
