2020 Election Results: ‘A Funeral’ – What Happened At National Yacht Club Function

Originally Posted by The Spinoff

National had prepared for the worst. But he hadn’t prepared for that. Stewart Sowman-Lund watched the ship crash and burn.

The invitation sent out before National’s election night event would arrive at 7 p.m. Of course, only the media would arrive on time – the guests would be gracefully late.

But as time passed, the 400-seat Royal New Zealand Yacht Squadron never felt crowded.

The first national candidate, Melissa Lee, arrived around 8pm. Paul Goldsmith an hour later. Chris Penk and Simeon Brown sneaked in moments before the leader herself, Judith Collins, arrived. No one seemed that interested in talking to the media.

There may be more Auckland national candidates in the room, but they were not released. Based on my count, I could put the number of national MPs in the room in one hand.

Melissa Lee, the party’s Mount Albert candidate, insisted she hadn’t seen the results when she arrived. I politely informed her that her party was going to lose the election, but she said that with only 20 percent of the votes counted, it was still “too early to tell.” It was not.

The writing was on the wall during a gloomy night long before Collins delivered his tearful speech. There was no bar tab for attendees and food was limited. Maybe I’m being cynical: I hadn’t had dinner.

I have more toes than the number of balloon clusters on display at the venue.

The main decoration was glass bowls filled with unrolled streamers. Why wouldn’t you unroll a streamer? TVNZ’s Maiki Sherman joked about bringing them home to her son.

Judith Collins arrived at 10 p.m. The party faithful formed an honor guard, chanting “Judith!” Someone yelled “two blue ticks!” It was too late.

A severely drunk white girl next to me yelled “Talofa, bitches.” An equally drunk white woman told him to shut up. National employees tried to increase the crowd.

Then Collins spoke and the room fell silent. The excitement in the room was palpable. Collins was teary-eyed, congratulated Jacinda Ardern and gave no indication that she would resign. As for Collins, he will fight Ardern again in three years.

Acknowledging the welcome he received tonight, Collins said that “anyone would have thought we had won.” It felt a bit like that in the room.

“We will take some time to reflect and we will review and change,” Collins said, as someone in the back of the crowd yelled, “Good.”

“Nacional will emerge from this defeat as a stronger, more disciplined and more connected party.”

It was a concession speech, but I honestly believed him.

So she left. Collins left the stage and headed backstage. She didn’t spend time mingling with those who gathered to support her.

An attendee The Spinoff spoke with described the night as a “shitty funeral.”

“There are people in seats who have lost their majority of 2000 seats … we are screwed,” they said.

The party continued, but someone notable had been lost from sight.

A high-ranking National Party aide had tears in his eyes as they spoke to The Spinoff. They spoke of Collins’ determination, saying that she never wavered for the past three months.

The National leader would be enjoying her first red wine of the campaign, they said. I’d sure have a gin, I asked. She wouldn’t, they said. Red wine was Collins’s drink.

While Collins wouldn’t be giving a full media opinion, a large contingent of political reporters had gathered outside the venue’s rear exit to capture the moment he left. A Crown car had the engine running. Mike McRoberts was there, microphone ready, as the minutes ticked by.

Over an hour later, Collins was ready to go. The car kept accelerating. National fans pushed their way past the waiting reporters, ready to cheer on Collins once more. They weren’t going to let her face reporters alone, not tonight.

Collins refused to speak, as expected, walking toward the waiting car with that glued smile we’ve come to know in recent weeks. She sat in the back seat with her son.

For Collins, the campaign was over. I hope you had a shiraz or five at home.

Then the reporters dispersed, the clock struck midnight, and Hamish Price emerged. The notorious Twitter personality had been working on the (failed) campaign of Emma Mellow, National’s Auckland Central candidate. He was also one of the supporters planted during Judith Collins’ devastating walk down Ponsonby Road.

“It is what it is,” he told The Spinoff when asked about the outcome of the election. “A lot of people are going to lose their jobs.”

Price, who became a viral figure on Twitter recently for his huge green shoes, said he was angry at people who focused on his shoes and claimed that he had bought them from The Warehouse. “I walked halfway through Spain in those shoes … they cost $ 500.” He wasn’t wearing them tonight, but he wished he had them, he said.

There will be a lot more time to spend in “wake-up cafes” for the next three years, Price joked sadly.

Emma Mellow herself was next. At that time, it was clear that she would not be a deputy. He knew she had come third, behind Chloe Swarbrick of the Greens and Helen White of Labor. Melissa Lee told Price to “take care of her” with one finger.

It was a grim ending to the night. I went looking for a beer.