DEAR ABBY: At age 17, my pregnant and unwanted mother married a schoolmate of my biological father. I got the last name of the schoolmate. Several years later, my mother divorced her first husband and she married my biological father.
They discussed changing my last name into that of my bio-father, but never did. I recently had DNA tests that prove that this information was accurate.
My last name is still not the name of my biological father, and I recently learned that the man named on my birth certificate was a rapist, an alcoholic and a bully. This is very exaggerated, and I would like to change my name legally to fit in with my real father.
The problem is that I’m now 70, married to wonderful children and grandchildren who are proud of our name. I do not want the name of the false father on my tombstone. Any advice for this distressed guy?
DISTRESSED SENIOR MAN
DEAR DISTRESSED: Talk to your family about why you want to change the name. Maybe when they hear that the person whose name was offended at you is a rapist and substance abuser who is abusing your mother, they will be more understanding and less willing to cling to the name they are so “proud of”. If not here’s a new product just for you! I wish you luck.
DEAR ABBY: My family has suffered a great loss. My older sister died by suicide.
My younger sister’s best friend “Carrie” drove four hours out of Michigan to be with our family. From the day after we found that and for almost a week Carrie was with us, comforting us, helping with arrangements and everything else that needed to be done. She even worked all night with our old family videos to digitize, edit and put them on music so it would be done in time for waking up.
Now that we are beginning to write thank you letters to all those who were there for us, my family is asking them how we can express our gratitude for their support during this awful time. We want to do or give them something special because we really consider them a part of our family, but we do not know what.
APPROECIATIVE IN THE EAST
DEAR APPESJATIVE: The head of the family as your younger sister Carrie has to write a letter telling her how much her kindness is valued and telling her that she is now truly a member of the family. I’m sure it would mean the world to them.
Think about giving her something that belonged to your older sister, such as jewelry. Your younger sister should be the person who selects it. A memory would, I am sure, be deeply appreciated and cherished.
DEAR ABBY: My friend and I have lived together for 10 years, even though he is still legally married. When we met, he and his wife had been divorced for five years. No one had the money to divorce.
My question is, if anything were to happen to my friend, would she claim any of his assets? (He does not have much outside his car.)
JUST WONDER IN PENNSYLVANIA
Dear JUST WONDER: Yes, as his surviving spouse, she will be entitled to all the assets he leaves behind, which include the vehicle.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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