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PETALING JAYA: The beating hurts, but the shame is worse. That is the logic by which men live, rooted even more in what society expects of them.
Men are perceived to be mentally, emotionally and physically stronger and therefore immune to spousal abuse and domestic violence.
It is this pervasive culture that prevents them from opening up and being victims of physical and mental abuse.
While women are more open to sharing their experience of abuse, men who are also victims of domestic violence tend to hide in the shadows, leaving them even more defenseless, according to the senior defense officer at the Organization for Aid to Women. (WAO) Rusni Tajari.
Officially, men represent about 25% of all victims of spousal or domestic abuse, but, Tajari said, this may not accurately reflect reality. “Many cases go unreported,” he told the Sun.
Under the Domestic Violence Act, abuse within the confines of the home covers more than simple acts of violence against the spouse. Sibling and son abuse is also covered, and many men are subject to such abuse.
Universiti Sains Malaysia professor Dr. Chooi Weng Tink said there are a few reasons why men don’t talk.
“In the first place, it is not common for us to meet an abuser. Male victims can also feel ashamed of their situation, ”said Chooi, who works in the College of Social Sciences.
“Instead of being the ‘dominant’ figure and having their wives ‘submit’ to their will, they are being abused by a woman. There’s an ego or shame factor at work. “
She said men who are being abused also don’t think anyone will notice if they tell their stories or relate their experience, so they choose to keep quiet.
All Women’s Action Society (Awam) operations and program manager Nisha Sabanayagam said that men who survive an abusive relationship only live to suffer high levels of social stigma.
“Now it is considered that the man has taken the place of the woman. For men, social expectations only make them feel ashamed of themselves. “
She said that every time Awam makes the issue of domestic violence against men public, society laughs and concludes that it is “shameful and silly” for men to be victims of gender and domestic abuse.
Nisha said that a support group for men who are in abusive relationships will encourage them to open up and seek help.
However, he thinks that men could share the same support group as women.
“State resources are overwhelmingly focused on women’s issues, so why have a separate group to compete for the same resources?” she asked.
She argued that it would be more profitable for female abuse survivors to share the same resources with male victims.
She said Awam offers a free counseling service for men and women.
In the long term, Nisha said, steps must be taken to determine the root cause of domestic violence and find solutions that are sustainable.
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