Welcome back, Nebraska. We missed you.
And now the college football world sees just how much you miss us.
You see, Nebraska, we should not really miss you. And you have left us no reason to long for your return. Indeed, you have given us every reason to be passionately rooted for misfortune in order to overwhelm you at every turn.
That said, we can put all our difficulties aside. Let bygones be bygones.
You made a mistake, Nebraska, and it’s time to admit it.
In fact, it was probably not a mistake. That may be the wrong term. A miscalculation, perhaps? A risky gamble, perhaps?
However, it has only taken 10 years for you to realize the depth and breadth of your miscalculation. And for that we are proud of you.
Before we free you from your sins, Nebraska, we must first consider what your mistake cost you. You see, in order to make you feel welcome, the Big 12 will need the guarantee that you truly understand the flaws of your ways.
Let’s start with the Big 12 Missile Crisis first.
Do you remember, Nebraska, your reason for leaving us in the first place?
You were overwhelmed, Nebraska, that Texas had the upper hand. The title game was moved to Texas, just like the league offices, and you felt bright.
What you did not realize, Nebraska, was that you were one of the teams above. Yes, Texas, and Oklahoma. You helped steer the conference. Your university had significant power and influence.
And by participating in the Big 10, you willingly gave up that power. In the Big 10, you’re just another land-based university with an average football team. You’re just a lesser locomotive-Purdue. You are basically just Indiana but with a stadium full of fans.
You went from having almost equal power to Texas and Oklahoma to being behind Michigan, Penn State, Wisconsin, Ohio State, Michigan State, and Iowa in the Big 10 power structure.
But power is not all you have lost after your decision to leave.
You thought your academy made you a better fit in the prestigious Big 10 conference. After all, they had more members of AAU (Association of American Universities) than the Big 12, which is a clear indicator of academic ability. The Big 10 thought they would win another AAU school with sterling academics.
And then the AAU, in an unusual move, withdrew your membership shortly after leaving the Big 12. The irony of hurting your academic reputation at the Big 10 is so thick that you can do it with a knife snow.
But your academic reputation is not all you’ve lost, Nebraska.
You have lost football matches. Lots of football games.
Nebraska, you’ve been in your Big 10 membership for nine years, and in those nine seasons you’ve won 65 games and lost 50 games. In your last nine seasons in the Big 12, you have won 73 games and lost 44.
You’ve also lost some head coaches, Nebraska. You’re on your third head coach since you left the Big 12.
Rivalry games are also on the list of victims of your bad decision to leave the Big 12.. Nebraska, you were so desperate for some kind of significant rivalry that the conference probably made the worst title rivalry game of all time in the “Hero’s Game” with Iowa, a rivalry game in which you are terribly run.
In fact, it was the best rivalry game you had with Minnesota, a game in which the trophy was made through the internet and was just some broken chair with a bill of five dollars on it carpeted.
You also lost the opportunity to make short discs after playing football games, Nebraska.
Long gone are the days of attaching a horse for a short buggy ride to Manhattan or Lawrence. Fans can no longer make the short 2 hour journey from Omaha to Ames. Instead, you get to make a 6-hour trip to Minneapolis or Iowa City. And those are your closest opponents.
You know what else you lost, Nebraska? Quality home games. Playing Ohio State, Michigan, Penn State or Michigan State at home once every five years did not worry you back then, but now stick to your craw. Your home schedule often has multiple losers like Northwestern (a team you can not seem to beat), Illinois, Purdue and Minnesota.
And on top of the shit sandwich you’ve been choke on since 2010, it’s the 2020 football season that’s not going to happen.
Kevin Warren tries to sell you the idea of spring football, you recognize it as the oceanfront property in Arizona that it is. You understand that your TV money (all $ 54 million of it) would not run in the door without football. And you know your other sports are toast when there is no football.
Now then, we have deepened the past enough, Nebraska. It’s time to think about the future.
You want to play football, Nebraska. Your coach wants to play, your athletic director wants to play, and your fans want you to play.
The Big 12 conference plays football and is ready to welcome you home, Nebraska, when you are ready to admit your mistakes.
