Dear Amy: I have a severe general allergy to poison ivy. If the least amount of poison ivy urushiol oil touches any part of me, I’ll explode with hundreds of small but itchy blisters.
These blisters cover my body (not just where I have come in contact). Without a steroid prescription from my doctor, it can take months for an outbreak to clear.
My problem is that I like to walk on trails that have been cleared of poison ivy, but the remote areas often have poison ivy. I stay on the trail, so this is not a problem, but people love to bring their dogs, and if their dogs get out of the way, they come into contact with poison ivy and then touch me, it results in hundreds of blisters, medical appointments, costs, medications and misery.
Because of this, I try to be proactive. I will say, “Please don’t let your dog touch me, I have allergies.”
They say, “Oh, don’t worry, he’s friendly.”
I say, “I don’t care. I can’t touch your dog.
Then the person gets angry or offended, or worse, they let the dog jump on me.
I don’t hate dogs. I just don’t want dogs (or any animals) to touch me unless I absolutely know they haven’t had any contact with the common substance that makes me so sick. How would you approach this problem?
Allergic
Dear Allergic: I definitely enjoy dogs, but I also wonder why some dog owners don’t seem to realize that their beloved family members are actually animals. Dogs are sometimes unpredictable (this is understandable because they are animals), and dogs can pose a risk to humans.
Just as no parent should assume that all strangers will find their children charming, no dog owner should assume that everyone will want to interact with their dog.
“Oh don’t worry, he’s friendly” is not an appropriate response for a human who cannot have contact with a dog without experiencing extreme consequences. The friendly nature of the dog is not in doubt.
It should say, “I have extreme allergies and could make it to the hospital if I have contact with your dog. I will stay on this side of the road as you pass.
Dear Amy: I have three boxes of old love letters that must go.
Box A is from my high school love and first love, now deceased.
Box B is from my steamy college affair (no longer in contact).
Box C contains letters from my dear husband of many years, written before we were married.
I have not opened or read any of these for at least 30 years, and revisiting them would be very emotional for me.
Should I read them privately and then delete them? Should I share some of them with my husband? Should I revisit only my husband’s letters with him (we have no secrets)? Or should I shred them all right away and get it over with?
Three boxes in Phoenix
Dear three paintings: Ah, COVID cleaning. Many of us are faced with chunks and bobs (and sometimes, real “Bobs”) from our past.
You should review all of these letters, in private. Tell yourself that you will at least open the envelopes and scan them visually. This work could combine well with a good merlot.
Your high school girlfriend’s letters may contain nuggets of her youth that her family would appreciate. Because you are deceased, consider sharing some of this material (descriptive, wise, or humorous) with them.
Box B: Review and make the same determination. Would these letters be valuable to someone else?
Box C: Boom. You have your next anniversary gift for your husband. Put these letters in a folder and save them.
Dear Amy: I have enjoyed the testimonials in your column of people who have successfully quit smoking.
After smoking for decades, I managed to quit, permanently, a few years ago. I tried everything and would be successful for a few weeks and months, even at one point for over a year. But I always had a relapse, and I always felt terrible about myself when I fell out of the car, which made it all worse.
I finally realized that quitting smoking would be a life-long project for me. Truly a proposal one day at a time. Once I started to focus more on my successes than my failures, I was able to build on them.
Smoke free
Estimated smoke free: The testimonies of people who have “been there” are inspiring to people who are still struggling. Thank you.
You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.
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