The recently coined Netflix star has some ideas on how the show was edited: “I mean, the Bolivian salt flats aren’t that important, are they?”
Photo: Netflix
Just over a week after the series. Indian matchmaking Released on Netflix, conversations about what the dating reality show does or does not mean for the South Asian community, the diaspora, and all, have gained momentum online. Here at Vulture, Mallika Rao carefully wrote about the connections between colorism and marriage in the Indian community and how Indian matchmaking it provides an unadorned view of the “marriage industry”. Bhakthi Puvanenthiran of ABC Life spoke to Australians in South Asia about their experiences with arranged marriages and sailing caste issues.
Around the same time, I spoke to Aparna Shewakramani, one of eight people included in the Netflix series who asked for help from matchmaker Sima Taparia “from Mumbai”. With her expressionless delivery of the attributes she could and couldn’t bear in an ideal match, the 35-year-old Houston attorney, who had never seen so much television, became a fan favorite. During our conversation, we discussed her path to becoming a dating star, the castmates she still keeps in touch with and the ways she feels. Indian matchmaking reinforces and interrupts people’s assumptions about arranged marriages.
How has it been since the show’s premiere?
I do not know. Yesterday I realized that, a week ago, no one in the world knew my name, except my friends and family. Now I literally can’t help my name. It is an interesting phenomenon. It is something I could never have anticipated. I watched [the series] at 2 am, because it fell in Los Angeles at midnight and I’m in Houston. It has been a roller coaster ever since.
Why did you decide to do the show?
About two years ago, my plane was delayed at LAX and I was on Facebook scrolling around without thinking. A friend of a friend posted: “Are you from South Asia? Are you looking for your partner? And I thought, Well yes and yes. She said, “Apply to this show, my sister is on the casting team,” or whatever her name is. I applied while I was literally in line, got on the plane, didn’t think about it. A week later or two weeks later, I don’t remember, someone called me about my request. I thought it was spam. They wanted Skype, and then the process started with the casting team.
Did you think this could really work or did you like it? I’m just going to enjoy the ride?
I thought it might work. Why not? I thought nothing else had worked. Wouldn’t it be the craziest story if I had to go through a television show? I’ll get there and then the perfect boy [will come] and then we’ll laugh at that story forever. I thought it would actually be the cutest story, if it could work. And I was pretty sure it would work. Why would not?
Are you still seeing some of the people you paired up with?
Well, I don’t see anyone. I am sitting in my house all day.
But no, am I seeing them in a romantic way? Definitely not. THE Times opened that immediately. I speak with them? Yes, I talk to Shekar every day, sometimes for hours every day, especially in these seven months, as I like to call him, or seven days since the show premiered. It has been a great support, and we have remained very close friends. I text Jay and Dilip, from my dates, almost every day, too. I have gotten very close to Ankita in Delhi. I speak to Manisha and Nadia here in the United States. Rashi approached a couple of times, since the Vyasar episode.
The interesting thing about the show is that we were all filming in a vacuum. Like other cast members on reality shows, when they’re filming, [they] They are filming together. They already know each other, they have that comfort and that company and … and none of us had that. We were floating in our own bubbles. I didn’t even know that these people really existed. He knew that the crew was traveling from one place to another to meet people, but he did not know who they were. [Now] I can contact them and I can say, “Wasn’t it crazy when they did that or this?”
So that has been a special part. There was that camaraderie and being able to understand how that person feels more than the best friend they have at home. I relate a lot to Ankita. She is very modern and progressive, and that’s the way I always saw women in India my age. Those are the types of women I met when I traveled to Bombay to visit the family. For me, that’s a norm I already expected, but I can see how a viewer who may not be from that part of the world, or even from South Asia, might not realize that people in India are so liberal and progressive. and they are so far ahead of any traditional pairing process.
I think the show has removed some of these outdated ideas of how many people suppose an arranged marriage is.
Or reinforces them. It can go in any direction. I think the show is triggering for a lot of people as a result. That was a surprise. I get a lot of feedback from the Indian subcontinent and they are a lot of women and a lot of really angry women. I was honestly surprised. I took the show to the letter: as entertainment. I guess the normal viewer would too. Of course, I was part of that, so I was also able to think about the nuances and the deeper questions. Many women are really mad at how outdated the process still remains in 2020 or what they think is still outdated in 2020 about the process.
Sima seemed like a force. What was that like back and forth with her?The round trip is interesting because now I see myself in the episodes, or I saw it once, and I was very direct with her. I was very clear because I hoped that the clearer it could be, the more detailed it could be, she would be able to understand me and find that person. I was very assertive on that and was very willing to share that with her because I really wanted her to understand. Very quickly I realized that there was something missing in the translation. My enthusiasm for sharing that with her was not understood by her.
It was then that I had to accept our process and say: Okay, she’s not listening to what I want. But maybe she knows something that I don’t know. This is her job, this is her profession, and she is the expert. Maybe we go and try her way. And I think it was also part of the evolution, realizing that there is a certain loss of control. You think you are signing up for a matchmaker to gain control of the situation. But that is not the reality at all.
At least in the way the show was edited, if you, not only you, but all the people who work with Sima – said “This is definitely what I want”, they painted you as too demanding. But then, if you just said, “I want a good person,” what does that really mean? Therefore, it feels like a very difficult balance to achieve.
You made a very strong point now in the edit, right? Our off-camera conversations had much more context behind them – the broader things I wanted. I mean, the Bolivian salt flats are not that important, right? It is simply shocking. Someone sent me a graphic last night that I put on my Instagram story. I was literally crying. I was laughing really hard. They found the analyzes on the interest in Bolivia and the salinas that are being searched on Google, and apparently it has just increased. All of India is Googling Bolivian salt flats. I am like, What is this? That is television.
It can be jarring when elements of your personality are played and skewed in a certain way for television.
Yes. I’m taking it better than the first day. I think it is also a process for dealing with social media and the limits you want to set and what you want to hear and what you want to absorb. These are the options you have. Sometimes they are not always under my control. Just like on Instagram, if I want to engage with all the lovely people and the speeches and conversations that are out there, I sometimes notice or see a comment that is unnecessarily harsh. I guess I knew people did that, but I’m a little surprised that people do that. That is not my world. Seven days ago, I didn’t even watch television. So this is not my world to imagine that people get so involved in the things they see on TV and take it so seriously that they feel so involved in it and then come to say their part. It’s interesting that people feel that way about any show, not just this show.
But I have focused more on the conversations I have, whether they are positive or negative. Some with people who have thought about the show, spent the entertainment and thought about why it bothers them or why it empowers them or why it affects them. That’s the beauty of television I discovered this week: that it can really reach out to someone and make them think about their lives, their context, and their experiences in a way that I’m probably not sure I ever intended.
Has there been a specific conversation or comment that really caught you?
I think there are many women in India who contacted me about the process and how they never believed that they had a voice in it or that they could stand up for what they deserved. And then, looking at me, they had a feeling of empowerment that said, “Hey, there is an Asian woman who says,” I worked hard. I built my career. I love my family and friends, and I would love to have a partner, but I want to partner on my terms. ‘” That has been amazing, beautiful and very profound for me because I never expected to reach anyone on any level. It was not an expectation. What if I give a woman a voice to advocate for herself and her choices when choosing a life partner?
Some people said it only made them think more about defending themselves and saying what they think in general. They say: “I am married. I am already in the relationship and looking at you made me think that I should ask my partner the things I need. It should be more vocal. So it’s not just a woman my age or younger or older looking for a partner. They are women in all areas. I have heard from 12 and 13 year olds. I have heard from people in their 70s. It is a feminine experience across the board, and it has been incredible to hear.
This interview has been lightly edited and condensed.
