Index – Domestic – Parents’ war: litigation over a child

In 2019, there were 65,268 marriages and 17,640 divorces in Hungary and 270 divorces for every thousand marriages. In recent years, there have been an increasing number of divorce proceedings initiated after a marriage that has lasted twenty years or more. Two-thirds of divorces are initiated by wives and ninety percent of minor children are placed with their mothers.

According to the experience of a lawyer

But similar trends are also seen in the UK and Italy, where the number of divorces has increased by more than 40 and 30 percent, respectively.

Competition for red dots

Each year, between 25 and 30 thousand children are affected by the spiritual torture caused by the divorce of their parents. Those whose parents are unable or unwilling to agree on who their children should go to to face a particularly severe test. In disputes between the two parties, the fight for children and common property is often blurred.

In divorce and child placement lawsuits, there is a growing need for the courts to involve expert psychologists, who must make the most of the differences in parental suitability among parents who are equally fit for education, taking into account mind the emotional connection of children, parents, and parents. sibling attachment.

Although in most cases the parties can agree, they realize in the heat of the process that the minor can only go to one of them.

– says Tamás Agárdi, expert forensic psychologist, according to who is here when the competition begins between parents to collect red and black dots.

Parents are also not discouraged from emotional blackmail. Like when the mother started her sit-in with the comment that “Sweetie, you have to go to dad, no matter how bad it is for you, otherwise mom will be incarcerated and you will end up in an institution!” Obsession: “Come on, these two days will go by quickly and I promise I will only cry a little until you are with me. “

Tamás Agárdi, who has participated in several child placement trials as an expert forensic psychologist, believes with conviction:

One of the main tasks of the judiciary is to help families in crisis, although often in litigation, conflict only intensifies in already fragmented family relationships.

Disputes are increasing

The framework for child placement procedures is being driven by the parties themselves and disputes are escalating. Criminal complaints have become part of the negotiations, mainly due to harassment, abuse, endangerment, kidnapping of children, restriction of personal freedom and abuse. One father, for example, said during his psychological examination that his lawyer had prepared him to “Satellite procedures” they can take action against him, that is, consider that he may be accused of pedophilia during a divorce suit.

According to the forensic expert, procedures for suspected pedophilia usually begin with a report from the mother, possibly the maternal grandfather. Many times the complainant himself is not sure of his case: “I don’t know what to believe, I want the truth to be revealed.” At a later stage of the procedure, the complainant has full certainty: “The child does not lie, he cannot understand that.”

Sexual abuse is not necessarily accompanied by rape, says Tamás Agárdi, whose experience shows that some children do not always experience trauma. Usually the victim develops a feeling of shame, the root cause of which may remain hidden for many years or decades.

The forensic expert does not establish the facts, but examines whether there are warning signs that suggest a change in the child’s behavior, along with the fact that not all changes in behavior are due to abuse. If the child were to say a learned text, the altered communication, the metacommunication, could be revealing, but psycholinguistic analysis, which explores the psychological processes behind language behavior, could also help. It is very difficult to prove abuse in the preverbal age (before speech is formed), but an objective and meaningful exploration cannot be obtained even at the age of three or five.

Parental alienation syndrome

The name of the American Richard Gardner is associated with PAS (Parental alienation syndrome), that is, the theory of parental alienation syndrome. According to a former professor at Columbia University

According to Gardner’s theory, in these cases, the child is not only a suffering, but also an active participant, whom the mother punishes, among other things, the deprivation of love if she does not engage in a war against the other parent.

In professional opinion it is generally accepted that the PAS syndrome, for example, makes it impossible to investigate sexual abuse because they want to alienate the father of the child rather than thoroughly examine the allegations made by the child. 31/2008 on the operation of forensic experts. (XII. 31.) The MRI Decree also says the following:

The expert does not examine the parental alienation syndrome (PAS syndrome), but at the same time seeks to explore the direct and indirect effects on the child that seek to influence expression.

“Kidnapping and kidnapping”

Ágnes Hajnal, clinical psychologist,Lawsuits for family crisis and custody of minors “ cites it as the most common cause of divorce in his study

• the lack of joint rest and recreation of the family,
• financial problems,
• coldness, or the appearance of a third person in the marriage.

The author investigated one hundred divorce cases that directly affected one hundred and fifty-eight children in addition to two hundred adults. The average age of the parties preparing for divorce was 36.5 years and that of the children 9.4 years.

In families with multiple children, rivalry and hostility developed between siblings, depending on which child was in favor of which parent. It has been found that children of the same sex as the father do not hate the opposite.

The most common forms of rivalry between parents are:

1. parents who want to protect the interests and mental balance of the child can also observe greater indulgence, patience, organization of various programs, more time spent compared to the past;
2. corruption by material means by one or both parents, leading to permanent gifts;
3. the father does not restrict, prohibit or punish the child in his behavior, hoping that the child will be more attached;
4. seduction with absurd promises according to the wishes of the child (for example, he will get a horse in the urbanization);
5. what one of the parents requires, prohibits, that form of conduct is allowed and encouraged by the other party;
6. the most violent parent displaces the other from working with the child, also eliminating the possibility of contact;
7. self-praise, a constant voice of one’s own excellence;
8. guilt through emotional blackmail (eg. “I cry because you go with your father and I will be alone all day”, “I’ll die, I’ll kill myself if you go”);
9. Threatening to choose the other party (for example, by beating or emotional blackmail: “I’ll never see you again”);
10. influence by direct and direct methods against the other parent;
11. prevent a parent already separated during the process from having contact with the minor by various means (reference to the absence of illness of the minor, “Kidnapping and kidnapping” kindergarten, school, playground).

(Cover Image: Ppi / Index)