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“I used to go to bed afraid to wake up and afraid to go to training. I couldn’t physically eat on match days. “
Those were the words of Josh Hope, 22, a Melbourne City player, after he stopped playing football due to insults against him on social media.
All of the following were provided by Josh for the “Sports Bible”.
“He was playing well but without continuity and he definitely didn’t want to be.”
“I took a penalty. It happened 18 months ago and after that particular match, I received hundreds of messages and they are all negative and personal. Who said he would kill me if I made another mistake? It’s a vicious cycle because I was so afraid of failure. , and can not “. Play Well. And it really didn’t stop after that.
“Once you get so much hate, it doesn’t matter if you play good games, people’s minds are rigid.”
“It’s often about how strong I am as a player or how desperate I am on the field. But I’ve also received countless direct messages attacking me as a person rather than a player. And it’s about my appearance, especially my hair, that we are. in 2020 and not in 1950, who cares about someone’s hairstyle? ” .
“Of course criticism, if presented in the right way, is always appreciated, but it was never constructive. It was always personal.”
“At first it was pure anxiety, but over time, I could see that it was more than that. I didn’t feel like it had been for long.”
“It got to the point where what I had come to love and what I spent my entire adolescence, and what I walked away from at 16, became what I despise the most.”
“It was constantly hampering my performance. I was training like a machine, but on match day I was very afraid of making mistakes; very afraid of trying new things. That was silly because this is not the player I wanted to be one day, and I knew he was. better”. “.
“It was more than accumulating a series of things that led to me feeling depressed. It was an 18-month battle. But after seven weeks away at the Corona Center, I came home for the first time in about nine months. Realize how bad I was. I’m sorry. “
“When I started talking about signing a new contract, I said to myself, do I want to get into it again? The answer was no, not cheeky, the idea of going back to an environment like this gave me a lot of anxiety and brought back all the bad memories ”.
“I want to make it clear, I am not leaving. I have every intention of returning. When the time comes, who knows.
He sent a message to his critics: “I was asking them how they would feel if their son or daughter or brother were receiving this kind of treatment.”
“In any other workplace, these kinds of things will never be tolerated, but as athletes we are only expected to have this mental bulwark. I’m so tired of people saying cohesion and” There will always be critics, no, that’s silly. ” .
“I think we footballers understand it. Although half the abuse is related to football, the other half does not want it.”
“Over the past few months I’ve been sharing mental health awareness on Instagram, but some people texted me and made fun of them. It’s funny how people are so ignorant.”
“I love football and I have dedicated a large part of my life to it. I made many sacrifices and lost a lot. But it was worth it because that is what I wanted. It was my passion, a dream.”
“I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I know that the day I return to the football stadium, without fear, will be a very emotional day. I can’t wait.”
Born on the Australian island of Tasmania, Hope first played Melbourne against Juventus in the Champions Cup two years ago, to begin his career with the first team after that.
