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- Joy, 28, * grew up knowing nothing about her father and says she felt a personal disconnect from who he is because of it.
- She had always wanted to meet him, but it took an unlikely coincidence for them to meet.
- When they were both looking for love on the same dating app, fate had a different type of date for them.
- This is her story, shared by Joy.
I grew up in a loving home with my mom and stepfather. My father left us when I was three years old without notice.
Although my stepfather is fantastic, I have always felt a void and a personal disconnect from who I am.
I tried asking my mom about my dad, but she avoided the topic. I think she resented him. The only thing she knew about him was his first and last name. He did not know where he lived, what he did, or if he was still alive.
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I started actively looking for it when I was 19 years old. I looked everywhere for it and couldn’t even find it on LinkedIn or Facebook. I remember even asking my grandmother about it, but she wasn’t very helpful.
At 21 I started dating someone and that relationship was time consuming to the point where I stopped looking for my father.
The relationship ended when I was 26, and at that point I felt like a part of me had died too. As I was on a journey to find myself again and love myself unconditionally, I decided to seek my father again. I hit a dead end once more.
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At 27, she had officially gotten over the breakup and had mourned that relationship quite a bit. I was ready to go on a date again, so I signed up with numerous online dating sites, including Bumble. The online dating thing wasn’t too bad.
I had met some great people and even went on a date with one of them. I stopped using the app for three months, but decided to go back to the app one random morning.
While scrolling through the app, trying to make new connections with people in my area, I came across my father’s name. It was weird because it’s not like I went out looking for her profile.
I decided to swipe and like his profile. After waiting what seemed like a lifetime, he backed off and our profiles matched.
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I didn’t know what to do, a part of me wanted him to start the conversation, but Bumble only allows women to text first. I decided to send him a message and inform him that I am his daughter.
I knew this was my only chance and I couldn’t afford to waste it. I even mentioned my mother’s name and told her that I am surprised that we live in the same city.
To my surprise, he answered instantly and asked if he could call me. At this point, I had only told my best friend.
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I eagerly awaited his call and kept rehearsing all the questions I had for him. He finally called and I instantly started crying.
I had been praying for this moment most of my life and hearing her voice moved me very much.
He explained the reason for his absence in my life and told me that on my 10th birthday I had asked my mother if she could speak to me, but she refused.
I understood where it came from. I left her with a 3 year old without an explanation. I was 26 at the time and I was naive and selfish, ‘he said.
I had already forgiven my father many years ago; I learned that you don’t need a reason or an explanation to forgive. Forgiving someone sets you free.
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Our 2 hour conversation was the ray of light that I had always longed for. He kept apologizing and asked if we could go out for coffee if he was interested.
I accepted the invitation and on the day of our ‘coffee date’, we met and jokingly called our date a ‘father and daughter love at first sight date’.
I told my mother about him and she was surprisingly happy for me. She said she hopes he doesn’t hurt me and that we form a healthy relationship.
It’s been seven months getting to know my father and it has been amazing but challenging. We take it one day at a time.
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