In 2014, long before being redeemed in the eyes of moviegoers by the anxiety frenzy it induced Uncut GemsAdam Sandler accepted that he absolutely takes on roles based on whether or not free vacations are involved. It may not be a great system for critics who then have to look at and review the results of such trips, but be honest, if you had a chance to take a job that not only paid well, but came with a luxurious stay in A five-star complex, at least you would think about it, right? With that in mind, let’s not judge SNL ‘s Nasim Pedrad too harsh to take the lead role in Desperados, a film that spends its overly long and painfully predictable 105 minutes burning the goodwill Netflix has amassed with its recent critically acclaimed series of romantic comedies. Still, the Mexican complex where much of the action takes place seems Really nice.
Pedrad plays Wesley, a woman in her early 30s whose desperation to settle down and raise some children is in direct conflict with her total inability to fix her shit. As in many of your more generic romantic comedies, Desperados It takes place in a world where money is real, but bill collectors never touch. Friendships are lifelong and intensely loyal, but no one seems to like him that much. And if someone said what they wanted to say, the plot would stop in the first five minutes. In this case, after being knocked unconscious on the sidewalk outside a Los Angeles taco shop, Wesley wakes up to find himself looking into the beefy eyes of Jared (Robbie Amell), a sports agent who Wesley decides is the love of his life because a) he is attractive and b) he also wants to have a family.
The only problem is that Wesley adopts an affected “cool girl” personality when he’s around Jared, petrified that his true personality will scare him. If your answer when reading that sentence is to think, “Well, that’s not a very good long-term strategy,” congratulations, you’re already an hour ahead of this movie. Meanwhile, drunk Wesley sends Jared a hurtful email after he disappears for five days, thinking he has ghost-phased her. But in another good old-fashioned plot based on concussions, it turns out that he was actually in a medically induced coma after having a car accident in Cabo San Lucas. And to increase convenience as well as coincidence, your doctors have ordered you to stay away from your phone and rest. So Wesley gathers his best friends Kaylie (Sarah Burns) and Brooke (Anna Camp), each of whom is going through a personal crisis, not that Wesley realizes or worries, and goes to Mexico, with the intention from breaking into Jared’s room at a fancy resort to clear the email.
That’s a lot for the first act of a comedy, and doesn’t even take into account the character of Sean (Lamorne Morris), the blind date Wesley was running away from when he met Jared, who is also on vacation at the same resort. “Another artificial plot point that goes exactly where you think it will go.” Part of that boils down to Morris and Pedrad’s romantic chemistry, which is obvious from the moment they first meet on screen. (The two played love interests in New girl for a few seasons.) In fact, the cast as a whole lingers mightily throughout this heartbreaking, frustrating, and overcrowded film, whose humor never rises above a cheap and vulgar gag where a dolphin ejaculates in Wesley’s mouth. It is no more fun that strange circumstances make it look like you are trying to seduce a 12 year old.
And the characters are no more realistic than the plot, starting with the cliched assumption that getting married and having a biological child is the pinnacle of female achievement. (Men’s motivations are equally simplistic, but men are not the target audience for this movie.) Later in the film, Kaylie and Brooke finally find the courage to face Wesley and his narcissistic self-absorption, but Desperados It isn’t nuanced enough to really know what to do with this sudden injection of realism. And then it just stands there, acknowledging that, yes, someone who probably acted like Wesley in this movie would do having trouble keeping friends in real life. But don’t let that ruin your vacation or anything.
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